Mama Mama Quite Contrary

Attached Motherhood

2012-01-20T17:24:00.000-05:00

I am part of a Facebook group called Naturally Parenting Twins. This group was a nice discovery for me because it is hard to find people who believe that it is possible to have a natural twin birth and breastfeed two babies simultaneously. To have women who share those feelings as well as know the unique challenges of raising twins is a real gift....usually.

The problem is that in every kind of mothers' group there always seems to be a person (or two) who believes her way of parenting is the right way. Sadly, in my experience, these women almost always fall under the Dr. Sears Attachment Parenting purview. You know the kind: the militant co-sleepers, the woman who believes that if you had a c-section you are just a victim of the medical establishment, the mother who insists on carrying a baby nonstop instead of using a stroller (aka "a pod of isolation"). You get the idea. These are the women I try to avoid.

I believe that unless a woman has a serious mental or physical handicap, most mothers are "attached" and love their children deeply. I also generally don't have a problem with the Dr. Sears methodology as I would probably fall into this category. It is just the women who take it too far. We all love our children but just because I don't have a family bed does not mean that my children are less attached to me than yours are to you. (It might mean that I get better quality sleep though.) I think very often in this quest for "attachment" we can give up some of ourselves. I want my daughters to see that it is okay to ask for personal space. That always tending to their needs above my own doesn't set a good example for the type of women I want them to be.

This became truly apparent to me today with this Facebook group. A newly pregnant mom asked if it is possible to breastfeed twins. All of the women said yes and most noted that support is really necessary but there was this one woman (and it always seems to be this woman) who couldn't help but say:

I nursed my twins till they were two and a half. They've never had a drop of formula or a bottle....

Comments like these make me crazy. This implicit message here is that giving your child a bottle or formula means that you are not as attached. I was devoted to breastfeeding and it worked really well for me but that isn't always the case. And, even though I successfully breastfed, I believe giving my Turtles the occasional bottle of pumped milk so I could do something for myself made me a better mother.

Come on!

Children's Books

2012-01-12T18:50:00.002-05:00

I am not a bibliophile. I love reading but I prefer to keep my books at the library for someone else to take care of. I have a few that I treasure or use for reference but I am not a collector. In fact, I don't like holding on to things that lack utility or sentiment and that is how I feel about most books. When my space is cluttered with things, my mind is too and it is an uncomfortable way for me to live.

When it comes to books my husband and I are total opposites. He loves them. The physical object, old and tattered or new and crisp, is a joy to him. His books are like friends that hold memories and the idea that he would part with them is ludicrous.

As you might imagine, we are at odds about his book collection. We are also at odds about our children's books, but in a different way. I love that my girls love books. We probably have a couple hundred and I treasure most of them. I love to watch them read or make up stories from the pictures. My heart swells when they make reference to something we've read in a story. The idea that we would live in a house without books in my kids' rooms is just sad to me.

That doesn't really resonate with my husband. He just hates picking the damn things up all the time. It's like he and I have totally switched personalities!

Since there isn't likely to ever be a resolution on the state of the books in this house, I thought I would share with you some of my favorite children's books:

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

The Paperboy by Dav Pilkey

Roxaboxen by Alice McLerran

The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats

No, David by David Shannon

Strega Nona by Tomie De Poala

Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Suess

Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina

Zen Ties by John Muth

There's a Monster at the End of This Book by Jon Stone

The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear by Audrey Wood

Of course, there are a few books that I can't stand. Most notably, the Fancy Nancy series and Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess.

So, what children's books do you love and which ones can't you get out of the house fast enough?

I'm a Twin!

2012-01-10T15:20:00.000-05:00

Jude and Ellie don't really know that they are twins. They aren't yet three and I think the whole meaning of being a twin is far beyond their level of comprehension. People frequently ask if they are twins and they always proclaim that they are. I know they are just echoing what they hear me say. They are who they are. One is Jude and one is Ellie.

Last night, the girls chose to wear matching pajamas. This is unusual because we only have one matching set (they were a gift) and Ellie hasn't been very interested in them. She is very persnickety about her clothing and tends to like different things from Jude so I was surprised when they both picked the same thing.

Well, this morning Elie looked at Jude and had a revelation. She said, "Jude, you wearing pink polka dot pajamas and I wearing pink polka dot pajamas. We are twins!!!!!"

Yes, indeed.

The Hairy Fairy

2012-01-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

Internet, please forgive me, I have created yet another mythical being to con my children into doing something they don't want to do.

Her name is the Hairy Fairy.

As I explained to my girls, the Hairy Fairy is a rather unfortunate soul. She has the most awful hair. It is stick straight, thin, and the color of smashed peas. She tried everything to make her hair curly like Vivi, Jude, and Elie's but nothing has ever worked and she felt very sad about that. One day, she realized that the only way that she could ever have the beautiful, curly hair she admired so much would be to take the curls that big girls like mine no longer need. That was how she magically transformed from sad sack to magical fairy hair collector. Because the Hairy Fairy knows that not every girl wants to part with her curls, she leaves a treasure behind to thank the girl for her kind curl donation.

I had Vivi at the word "treasure."

So, after months of months of "growing her hair straight," Vivi consented to a hair cut. She said good-bye to several inches of curls and I said goodbye to the tangles, the partial dreads, the 45 minute comb-out after every bath, and the seemingly endless amount of tears and tantrums related to the hair.

This is the "before" (which actually looks better than usual):

And this is the result:

And that child above is $2.00 richer and has finally stopped asking for a straightening iron.

Cleaning Out

2012-01-02T20:20:00.000-05:00

I love the holidays but they always seem to pass so quickly that I often resent the arrival of January. It can seem like a really long, dark month here in New England so I have decided this year I am going to change the way I do things. My husband and I are cleaning out and simplifying.

We both have been feeling like our lives are falling victim to the TOO MUCH SYNDROME. Our girls have too many toys. They are watching too much television and their behavior is the worse for it. We have had too much food. Our shelf space is lacking because of too many books that aren't worth keeping. Our dressers are bulging from clothes that don't fit. My husband works too much. I have too many control issues. (That's kind of a perpetual problem.)

So in 2012, we are:

-Canceling Netflix

-Donating our unused clothes, toys, and books and limiting what comes into our house

-Menu planning and wasting less food

-Limiting our dairy (which leaves my husband chronically congested), wheat (which kills my energy and messes with my GI system), and sugar (because we are all addicted.)

-Taking more breaks even if it means shelling out for a babysitter

-Letting more things go

-Spending more time blogging and less time on Facebook

And we are asking ourselves:

Do we need this?

Does it matter?

Does this add value to our lives?

How am I going to feel if I eat this?

I think it is going to be a great year. What about you? What are changing this year?

And Then It Was Over...

2012-01-01T19:23:00.003-05:00

Am I the only one who thinks the holidays come and go in one big blur? It seems like it was just the beginning of December and we were all worked up about choosing our tree. My husband had the brilliant idea that we should tag a tree after Thanksgiving before all the good ones are scooped up. (Apparently our Charlie Brown trees of yore were haunting my poor Jewish spouse.) Well, he and the girls did a good job this year. Take a look:

I also spent a fair amount of time at the sewing machine this December. I made those big cushions on the left hand side of the tree-- complete with piping. (That's unchartered territory for me!) Jude and Elie love them and, as I suspected, they work beautifully for story time or as implements of destruction.

Speaking of Jude and Elie, they had quite an accidental meeting with "Santa Claus" in the YMCA parking lot a few weeks ago. There is an older man who works out when I do. He has long white hair, a white beard, and a big belly. He also appears to be of Mediterranean origin with olive skin and a thick accent. As we were approaching our car, he was standing next to his minivan wearing a Santa hat. Upon seeing him, Jude and Elie gasped in delight, yelled "Oh Santa. We love you!" and then went on to ask the guy if he was going to bring them underpants for Christmas since they had been good girls. The poor guy looked slightly uncomfortable but played along with them.

And, lo and behold, look who got underpants in her stocking:

Jude looks a wee bit afraid of those underpants though.

We also were very busy at school. I signed up to be the classroom mom and as a result my husband got signed up to be the surprise Santa Claus at the end of the kids' Polar Express holiday party. Here are all the kindergarteners (and a couple of twin turtles) riding their train:

And here is Santa:

The kids loved it. Vivi thought it was hysterical that her Dad was Santa. Jude and Elie believed he was the real thing. That my friends must be a Christmas miracle.

Small Packages and Big Surprises

2011-12-07T14:13:00.001-05:00

I have a friend whom I've known since our first week of college. She was raised in a tiny Northern California town by two often-naked hippies who bestowed upon her a rather unusual name. She is brilliant but a terrible speller, a fashionista who can't pass up a thrift store, a self-proclaimed baby hater, and a delightfully amusing weirdo. She also happens to be a NewYork Times bestselling author.

So when this friend emailed me earlier in the summer requesting my address because she had a present for my girls, I was suspicious. It is a well-known fact that my friend has no desire for children. She tolerates them now that most of her friends have spawned but she very much enjoys her carefree, childless existence. I could not help but wonder what the heck was going to come in the mail.

Then the package arrived and well, take a look:

That's when I realized that being weird can be perfect.

Our Advent Tree

2011-12-01T17:31:00.000-05:00

I don't have an official advent calendar because I refuse to pay good money for something I could make myself. The problem is I never seem to remember to make one before December 1.

A few years ago, I sewed 25 tiny little Christmas bags but that was as far as I got. Last year, I put the chocolate and stickers in the little bags but there was no official calendar. So, this year-- five and a half years after I had my first child, I created a calendar. Well, actually, an advent tree.

I took some twigs from the yard and spray painted them red with paint I had on hand. Then I scrounged up 25 clothespins and numbered them. I cut up little squares of card stock and wrote my daily idea on each one. Then I put the cards in the bags, hung them from the branches, and voila:

Our Advent Tree! It's not the fanciest thing but it does the trick.

Since today is December 1, the girls opened their first card and we made real hot chocolate on the stove. I think I overdosed on the chocolate myself but the girls loved it. See what I mean?

Yeah, I don't know what is up with the Flashdance headband either.

December and Marking the Days

2011-11-30T21:05:00.004-05:00

I love the month of December. I love the preparation for the holidays. There's the excitement of picking out a Christmas tree and decorating it. The joy of lighting the menorah for Hanukkah and seeing my girls marvel at how beautifully the light reflects in our windows. I love baking cookies, making presents for my children, and being with our little family. We also try hard to remind ourselves and our children how lucky we are.

I had all this in mind when I came up with my advent calendar for this year. Last year, I filled each day with stickers or chocolate but I wanted something a bit more meaningful. So instead of treats, every day has a card and they say:

-Decorate the Christmas tree
-Walk around the neighborhood and look at the lights
-Interview your family and videotape it
-Send a Christmas card to a friend you don't see
-Make hot chocolate
-Do something nice for your sisters
-Have a camp out in front of the Christmas tree
-Have a family movie night
-Read The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
-Fill a bag with food to donate to the hungry
-Invite a friend over to play
-Sing Christmas carols around the piano
-Pop popcorn for a snack
-Make paper snowflakes
-Bake bread and bring it to a neighbor
-Wrap Christmas presents
-Write a letter to someone you love
-Have breakfast for dinner
-Do something nice for someone at school
-Bake cookies with Mommy
-Make an ornament for the tree
-Have a dance party with Christmas music
-Color a holiday picture
-Get out the dreidels and see how long you can make one spin
-Do something special with just Mommy or Daddy
-Read The Night Before Christmas

Any other ideas?

These Boots Were Made for Hiking and That's Just What They'll Do

2011-11-14T14:47:00.002-05:00

Guess what I did this weekend? I hiked these mountains:

Now I know what you are thinking. Mama Mama you are a homebody. You pay someone to make you exercise. You are not the type to go on a 9 mile hike in the snow and ice in mid-November.

'Tis true fair readers, 'tis true. I ended up doing this because I had a plan and it backfired. BIG TIME. Let me explain. Back in August, my sister watched the Young Contrarians so my husband and I could have a night away from our children. We went to this resort in Connecticut and had a wonderfully relaxing time. We also spent most of the time planning how we could do this sort of thing again. I knew then that another night away would be Mark's birthday gift.

When my husband's birthday arrived a few weeks ago, he was thrilled when I announced that we could go away again. I told him that we could do whatever he wanted which is when all this planning backfired on me. Instead of relaxing in a heated pool somewhere, he said that he wanted to do a long hike in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. (Why, after all these years together, would I think he would NOT want to go hiking? I am an idiot.)

So hiking we did. It was a long, difficult hike with snow, ice, and wind. I expected it to be a test of my fitness but that actually turned out to be a non-issue. (Believe in miracles people.) What I found so challenging was the mental aspect of the climb. I am very risk-averse which makes me a slow, deliberate hiker. The first two miles of the descent were extremely rocky and covered in ice. I just did not see how I was going to get down the trail without cracking my head open, knocking Mark down too, and turning my girls into orphans. (See where my mind goes??!) That is when I started crying.

Apparently, there's no crying in hiking. After a hug and a pep talk, I did it. I did not fall and I did not crack my head open. Best of all, I got to say that I kept up with my super-hiker husband and made it home in time for bedtime snuggles from the girls.

I can't think of a better way to spend a weekend.

One Difference Between Home School and Public School...

2011-11-09T15:43:00.000-05:00

As we were walking out of our parent/teacher conference today, my husband and I were remarking how wonderful it is to see Vivi thriving in public school. We had our concerns-- the lack of recess, the strong focus on academics, the homework-- but it has become very clear to us that we made the right choice to send her to public school. Vivi's teacher is phenomenal and we have no doubt that she is just as good or better than any private school teacher. Plus, she really impressed us today when she showed us Vivi's special folder.

Because Vivi often gets her work done before her classmates, her teacher made her a special book full of puzzles and enrichment activities that she can do while she waits for others to finish. It really struck us that in a time of bare-bones funding, classrooms full of children living in poverty, and teachers forced to do paperwork upon paperwork all in the name of "documenting progress" that Vivi's teacher went out of her way to make sure our daughter is challenged. What a gift to have someone who cares as much as we do about Vivi's education.

As we considered our schooling options this past spring, I had no idea what to expect from a public education. I was tempted to avoid the whole issue and homeschool Vivi but I am glad we made the decision we did. There is one thing she is picking up at public school that I am certain she wouldn't have gotten at home, however. Here's a conversation we had last night:

Vivi (talking into the wooden table from her dollhouse, aka her "fairy" phone): Noooo. You need to stop calling me. I don't like you Justin Beaver!

Me: Who is Justin Beaver?

Vivi: He is this dumb boy. He keeps calling me on my fairy phone and I don't want to talk to him. Charlotte likes him. He lives in the TV.

Me: Oh, really. So you've seen Justin Beaver? What does he look like?

Vivi: Kind of weird. I don't know why she likes him so much. He is just soooo annoying.

Me: Well, I can see that Justin Beaver bothers you so if he calls you again, I will answer the phone for you.

I'm pretty sure Justin Bieber doesn't appear in the home school curriculum until at least third grade.

ABCs

2011-11-08T14:56:00.000-05:00

Tell me that Jackson Five song isn't running through your head right now...

My husband bought me an Ipod shuffle for my birthday. This is a big deal yo. I shun technology. I don't even have caller ID and when you call me and I am on the phone, guess what? You get a busy signal. No shit. My friend Grace says that I am "off the grid" and with the exception of the occasional TV drug I give my children, I kind of it like it that way.

So, in light of that fun fact, I thought I would be a lazy blogger today and tell you a little bit more about Mama Mama ABC style. Here we go:

Age: 35 and it feels great!

Bed size: Queen size.

Chore I hate: They all kind of suck but I am going to go with mopping.

Dogs: Pup. He's the best kind because he is stuffed.

Essential start to my day: My husband getting up with the girls

Favorite color: Green. It's the new black.

Gold or silver: I think I look better in gold but I prefer silver.

Height: 5' 4" first thing in the morning.

Instruments I play: Vacuum and Washing Machine

Job title: Mama (Duh!)

Kids: In no particular order, Eliya, Jude, and Aviva

Live: In Rhode Island which I still find mystifying

Mother's name: Kathy

Nicknames: Wait, Mama isn't my real name?

Overnight hospital stays: Once, after Vivi was born.

Pet Peeve: Driving while talking on your cell phone or other instances where one should be paying attention to the people around them. I'll stop there.

Quote from a movie: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize. (Name that movie!)

Right or left handed: Right

Siblings: One brother, four sisters, all younger.

Time I wake up: 8ish. That's because I have the best husband in the world.

Underwear: Of course!

Vegetable I hate: Brussel Sprouts. There's no way to make them good in my opinion.

What makes me run late: My spawn.

X-rays I've had: Ankle (sprain in my early 20s), Nose (broken, also early 20s) and teeth.

Yummy food I make: Lentil soup and baklava.

Zoo animal: See letter C for Children.

The Animals

2011-11-07T14:06:00.000-05:00

Hey Internet, I've been wondering about something. Do you think it is bad to refer to your children as "the animals?" As in, "Oh, I've got to put my animals to bed." Or "Should we feed the animals pasta for dinner or soup?" Or "Sorry about the mess. The animals crushed the graham crackers into the floor again."

It often seems like a fitting description for my children. They eat without regard to silverware or dishes. They sleep curled into little balls. Their play consists of climbing on each other and wrestling one another into submission. They run really fast. They like to forage. They growl and roar when they are angry. Frankly, it seems clear that my children seem to lack any sense of dignity at all.

Lately, however, I've been thinking that maybe calling my children "the animals" is a wee bit demeaning. They are my children, after all, and even though they may act like puppies, I should probably show them a bit more respect. They are human beings and they deserve at least that.

As I was pondering this thought today, I heard ~~the animals~~ Jude and Elie making a lot of noise upstairs. They were supposed to be napping but when I went in to check on them, I saw that they had both pooped and wiped their excrement on their sheets, stuffed animals, cribs, and walls. That's when it became abundantly clear that I needed to stop calling them "the animals."

Even animals know enough to poop and walk away.

A Reflection on Twins

2011-11-04T15:00:00.001-04:00

Recently a family friend of ours told us that if he could have laid out his life plan knowing how hard it would be to have twin babies, he would still choose to have two at once. Even if he had the choice to have the same exact children but not at the same time, he would CHOOSE the experience of having twins. I nodded politely but in my head I was thinking there is no way in hell I would go through that again.

It is well-documented in this blog that my twins were a huge surprise. I had a few weeks to prepare for the baby I was expecting and the bonus I was also getting. I was frantic with the idea that I was going to have three children under the age of three and little help. To say that we were overwhelmed for the first year of their lives hardly conveys the extreme amount of exhaustion, stress, and misery we endured. It was brutal and if given the option of all things being equal, I absolutely would NOT choose to do it again.

I think.

It is abundantly clear to me that the world is fascinated by multiples but I knew before the Turtles' birth that I would never feel comfortable emphasizing their twin identity. The matching outfits, similar names, and other twin markers draw attention to this person as a twin and not as an individual. It can seem like twin children can be treated more like a commodity or cool party trick than as individuals with differing needs, desires, and, in the case of many twins, faces. First and foremost, I wanted my girls to be treated as individuals. The fact that they are twins is part of their identity but not who they are entirely.

Yet, despite everything I do, Jude and Elie are "the twins" in our community and an extension of the other to themselves. Jude needs to cuddle Ellie when she's upset. Ellie loves to "babysit" Jude's baby and call Jude on the phone to see how she is. They go to bed together. They use the potty together. They feed each other their dinner. They both climb into bed with me in the morning, hold hands across my chest, and tell me I am the "best mama ever." They are fascinating as a set but adored individually. Jude and Elie are themselves but they are also part of each other.

So, when they both want to wear a ruffle dress with sparkle shoes, now I say okay. Ultimately, it is up to them to figure out who they are.

Oh, the Excitement!

2011-10-03T15:18:00.000-04:00

I thought I would be a lady of leisure with Vivi in school full-time but I guess Jude and Ellie did not get the memo.

So for the past month, we have been pretty busy. Vivi lost her second tooth on the second day of kindergarten. She ran home from the bus stop, locked herself in the bathroom, and came out a few minutes later looking like this:

A few days after Vivi started school, I had a birthday and celebrated my official "advanced maternal age" milestone. I welcomed my free-falling fertility with open arms. I also welcomed the cake.

It turns out Ellie is a bit of a rogue candle extinguisher so Vivi is doing her best to protect my opportunity to make a birthday wish. (See note above about free falling fertility.)

Perhaps because I love cake, my husband got me twelve sessions with the personal trainer at the gym for my birthday. After the first session, the words "you only look like you are in terrible shape" kept running through my head. I was so proud of myself. Then the trainer started with the push-ups and oh how the half-assed exercisers fall. She told me that this is what I remind her of:

So as Mama Mama tries to get all hubba hubba, it turns out that my Turtles like to spend their days talking about penises, vaginas, bummies, and toilets. They prefer to do this naked. Oh, and since Jude talks in her sleep, there's really no reason to keep her jammies on. This is how I found her the other night:

Lest her sister get all the attention for not wearing any clothes, Ellie has taken to singing "Happy Birthday Penis" at the top of her lungs at the grocery store.

Because I have not learned my lesson, I continued to take my children out in public. This time it was for our annual apple picking adventure.

As my friend Karen so accurately pointed out one day, "Children are like puppies. If you don't run them, they will destroy your house." This is one lesson I have learned. So while Vivi is at school, the Turtles and I have had a few adventures of our own this month.

These are the girls checking out a goat at the zoo. Can you tell who is the goat?

Because Mother Nature seems to be as off-kilter as I am, we enjoyed a nice warm day at the splash park.

This is not to say that only Jude, Ellie, and I are having fun. Vivi is too. Below is a picture of her homework. She was asked to draw a picture of something she likes to do.

That would be her farting.

Gosh, could I be any prouder?

Kindergarten: The Verdict

2011-09-01T14:58:00.000-04:00

Despite the look on our little kindergartener's face:

and her refusal to let me take a decent picture:

and her anxious thumb-sucking:

Vivi declares kindergarten to be pretty good. When I asked her the best part of her day, she told me it was recess because playing on the "spinning wheel [merry-go-round] was awesome." When I asked what was the worst part of her day was she told me, "Nothing, mama. Everything is the best. Well, except in the morning when they were going over the rules. That was boring."

Personally, I declare kindergarten to be a little overwhelming. I cried as I was leaving her at school and then again when I got to the YMCA and then again while the Turtles were napping and the house was quiet. I almost cried for a fourth time when I went to pick her up and saw that she wasn't in line with her classmates. (She was put on the bus to go home instead of in the pick-up line but a teacher went and found her before the bus took off.)

This morning there were no tears-- just excitement. Vivi rode her bike with Daddy to school and we said she could ride the bus home with her best friend from across the street. And when the bus pulls up to the bus stop to let her off-- I'll be ready with my camera.

Moving On

2011-08-31T13:31:00.000-04:00

I have been all aflutter with preparation for kindergarten. I've purchased an ungodly amount of supplies and snacks, filled out a pile of papers, attended an orientation and a kindergarten playdate, and sewn a super-duper fancy pencil case. I thought I was doing all this to prepare my first-born for kindergarten. What I realized this morning is that I did all that to prepare myself.

Kindergarten is the place where Vivi will really begin to understand that she has autonomy. Family will fade into the background of her school life and time with her friends will become her priority. There will be rules and expectations from other people besides her parents. School isn't about play anymore.

As much as she is ready, Vivi is doing this on her own. Mommy and Daddy won't be in the classroom. She will choose her friends and they won't necessarily be the children of Mommy's friends. She is beginning the process of letting us go.

The question is can I do the right thing and let her go too?

Crying Babies

2011-08-11T15:24:00.001-04:00

I had to laugh when I saw this crying baby photo link up party. When Vivi was a baby, I don't think we got any pictures of her crying. As our only child, her tears were a rare occurrence and I never thought to document the crying when it happened. I was more concerned with putting an end to the tears.

As if that would ever happen with twins! Photos with one or more crying babies were an inevitability. So here you have it, my contribution to the link up:

Eliya giving those lungs a workout. Jude trying to tune her out. Week #1

Jude screaming and the poor big sister not sure what to make of it.

My personal favorite since this pretty much sums up Jude's first year of life.

Unidentified screaming child in the background. It's probably Jude.

When the babies got going, so did Vivi. Oh, and mommy. Mommy always cried too.

I'm also linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse into Motherhood.

ANOTHER GIVEAWAY!

2011-08-10T15:00:00.002-04:00

I really enjoyed doing my Me Challenge Giveaway last month. It was nice to be able to offer a surprise to a reader who took the time to validate my existence with a comment. Plus, I got the added bonus of reading about all the interesting places you have traveled. (Who knew there was actually a World's Largest Frying Pan?! )

Since that was a lot of fun, I thought it was time for another giveaway! Most of you know that Vivi is heading to her local public kindergarten at the end of the month. Given my recent gripes about the supply list, it is clear that our schools need a lot of help. That's why I have decided to give away:

Two $25 gift certificates to Donor's Choose.

Here are the rules:

To enter, please leave a comment telling me your favorite children's book and why you love it.

Because Donor's Choose is for US based schools, this giveaway is only open to residents of the United States.

The winners will be chosen at random on Monday, August 15.

Here's how Donor's Choose works: public school teachers from all over America post classroom project requests. Requests range from pencils for a poetry writing unit, to violins for a school recital, to microscope slides for a biology class. You can browse project requests and give to the one that inspires you. Once a project reaches its funding goal, Donor's Choose delivers the materials to the school.

Good luck!

A Real Vacation

2011-08-09T14:50:00.000-04:00

My husband and I took a twenty-four hour vacation. This was a real vacation-- not like the ones I always take in my head. We packed up the car and drove a little over an hour to a seaside community in Connecticut. We hung out by the pool. We read books and magazines without interruption. We went out to lunch and to dinner and to breakfast. I didn't even make the bed. It was glorious.

We did all this WITHOUT our children. Really. Did I mention it was glorious?

My sister who lives in North Carolina very kindly and without any obvious reservation volunteered to stay with the young contrarians. There was no arm-twisting, no desperate pleas, and no cries on either end. The kiddos had a blast and my husband and I got ten solid hours of sleep. Ten!

And get this: My sister even volunteered to stay with them again! It appears that she loves my rascal spawn and thankfully doesn't see them enough to get fed-up with their shenanigans.

Now the trick is making sure five more years don't pass before we do this again!

Is This Normal for Public School?

2011-08-01T08:53:00.000-04:00

We recently received an invitation for Vivi to attend a Kindergarten orientation and play date at her new school. She will get to tour the classrooms, meet her teachers, and say hello to the principal. I think this is a great thing and we are all looking forward to it.

But.... I am a bit perplexed by the supply list for kindergarten which was on the back of the invitation. I am supposed to send my child to school with the following:

1 large bottle of hand sanitizer

2 boxes of crayons- one with 8 large primary colors and one with 16 colors

2 rolls of paper towels

1 pair of small child-size scissors

1 eraser

1 box of markers

1 box of colored pencils

2 packages of #2 pencils, sharpened

1 package EXPO dry-erase markers

4 folders with double pockets on the bottom (2 with 3 fasteners on the inside and 2 without)

4 large glue sticks

2 boxes of tissues

1 art sketch book with blank pages

1 package small drinking cups

1 container of disinfectant wipes

Geesh. I remember being sent off to kindergarten with a little back pack and a snack, not a suitcase full of supplies. Is this normal for public school?

I don't mind providing these things and I certainly know that our school is down to bare bones funding. What bothers me about this list is that more than half of the children at Vivi's school are on free or reduced-cost lunch. How are the parents of those children able to afford such an extensive list of supplies? What a terrible feeling to get this letter in the mail and not be able to provide the required supplies for their child!

I'm curious. Are these lists common at your neighborhood public school?

One hundred degrees

2011-07-22T14:36:00.000-04:00

That's what my thermometer says.

I'm hunkered down in the house with my napping Turtles, an oscillating fan, and a good load of PTSD.

The deadbolts are locked but I keep checking and double checking them. I've spent the better part of the hour watching the comings and goings of the neighborhood looking for suspicious activity. There is none, of course, because even lowlife robbers probably don't want to go out in this heat.

I feel like I am vibrating at higher frequency than any other species on Earth. I'm not sleeping well and I am clearly exhibiting some obsessive-compulsive behavior. I don't want to leave my house but I am afraid to be here too.

I'm not the first person to be robbed and I certainly won't be the last but I'm having a hard time accepting that this has happened. It's difficult to move on when I still have more pawn shops to check for my jewelry. It is also unsettling to open your email and discover that someone called Apple tech support about my stolen computer. (Apparently these robbers are also morons.) I've also been warned that the burglars often comeback within a month so that they can score all the loot you've replaced with your insurance money.

Now if that doesn't give me sweet dreams, I don't know what will.

We Were Robbed

2011-07-20T15:22:00.002-04:00

Internet, I'm not about the catchy title today. I wish that I had some exciting story about poop or an adorable twin anecdote to share with you. I wish I had a good reason to explain my cyber-absence.

I don't.

Very early Sunday morning, we were robbed. They took my laptop, my husband's old laptop, and every single item of jewelry except my wedding band (which I happened to be wearing.) They did not take my children and for once I am truly grateful for that.

We know a few things. We know that they were watching us and while we are almost always home early Sunday morning, we left en masse this particular day. My husband took the kids out for a mommy-free adventure and I headed to the Y. I returned less than 45 minutes later while they were in the house. Miraculously, I did something I never do which is sit in the car for several minutes before I went inside. (I figured I didn't have to rush and I was riveted by the YMCA class schedule I had just picked up.) While I sat in the drive, the robbers escaped through the back and jumped my neighbors fence.

When I walked in, I could just feel that something was off. Then I noticed that my computer was gone. The desk was torn apart and my purse was strewn over the piano. I grabbed the phone, ran out to the front, and called 9-1-1. The police came and it was during that time when I went upstairs and saw that they had gone through everything-- our dressers, our bedside tables, my daughters' closets-- everything. I half-expected to see my jewelry box gone but when I saw that not only was it gone but they had rifled through all my drawers, I just became hysterical.

We have all been rattled by this. I'm not sleeping and the girls are clingy. Jude woke up from her nap yesterday screaming that there was a man in her room. Vivi has threatened to karate-chop the robbers but she also wrapped up her pink jewelry box with the dancing ballerina inside and gave it to me to replace my own. We are likely going to get a security system and I've started a neighborhood watch.

And those robbers... well, I hope they are enjoying my grandmother's watch, my engagement necklace from my husband, and the "I luv u sam mom from aviva" beaded necklace.

Jerks.

This Is What I Mean About the Markers

2011-07-14T13:44:00.000-04:00

Thanks bloggy friends for all your kind words about my parenting. Maybe if I knew all of you in person, you might be not so quick with your comments. I'm trying to look at the positive here. At least I only yell at my own children.

Anyway, I mentioned in my beleaguered post that I'm waging a one-woman battle against THE MARKERS. (Yes, I've confiscated them on numerous occasions but Vivi is a self-proclaimed "artiste" and she always earns them back.) Seriously though, I hate them and this is why:

Uh oh. Mom's giving me the look.

"Mama, I got pritty legs."

Just when I was thinking, "Well, at least it was only one turtle." Look who shows up:

As if the outfit wasn't eye-catching enough...

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.

What Is a Good Mother?

2011-07-11T14:21:00.001-04:00

For the most part, I think I am a good mother. I feed, clothe, and clean my children. I tell them I love them. I give them independence and encouragement. I read to them and play games with them and drive them places. I try to utilize positive reinforcement.

Except when I don't.

There are times when I lose it. When I throw a (plastic) plate across the kitchen because it is 8:00 at night and I told you it was bed time and not snack time. When the whining is so insufferable that all I can do is shout "STOP IT NOW!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs so that I stun you into silence. When I have to ask you for the tenth time to put the god-damned markers away because I am fed-up with scrubbing ink off the walls and floors. When I tell you, "You know what? I don't actually like that drawing." because I'm feeling spiteful that that you called dinner "disgusting."

I've done all those things. Some of them I've done more than once. With the exception of about 6 hours a week, I spend every single moment with my children in this same house. I'm sick of this place and I am sick of the monotony of parenting. How can someone NOT lose it? I feel like I'm pretty normal in the grand-scheme of middle-class mothering.

My husband disagrees.

He thinks that I am impatient and critical. He says I lose my temper too frequently and I do not communicate in a positive, caring way.

I admit that mothering and running a household simultaneously do not come easily to me. Where my husband and I disagree, however, is over my general approach. I feel it is unfair to judge me when the vast majority of time he spends with our family falls between 6:30 and 8:00 in the evening.

Once upon a time, I used to have a job. I used to wear clothes that required dry cleaning. I used to have a routine that revolved around my professional aspirations. I used to be a parent and an employee. This is my husband's life so frankly, I don't think he gets a right to complain about my occasional unhappiness with being a stay-at-home mother, laundry maven, chef, cleaning lady, receptionist, bill-payer, mail-sorter, seamstress, chauffeur and gofer, social coordinator, and hostess.

I don't think he has spent a full 24 hours alone with all of our spawn. I bet a few plates would fly then.

So, what say you fair Internet, does any of this ring true in your house?

We Have a Winner and Then Some

2011-07-08T08:03:00.002-04:00

Ladies and Gentleladies, we have a winner of the Halfway There Giveaway!

Lucky number 4 is.... MONICA!!!!

(I can not get the random number widget to appear on my blog but my husband can verify that I used it!)

Congratulations! In a weird twist of blogland serendipity, Monica and I recently discovered a shared hatred for amusement parks which she noted on her blog. Now I can encourage all of you to check out her really funny chronicle of family life at And I'll Raise You Five.

But wait, there's more!

I am giving away three runner-up gifts to help you help someone else. Those randomly selected winners are:

#14: Marcia at 123 Blog
#26: Superjaxster
#12: Holly Ann

Congratulations winners! Please email me your mailing addresses so I can get your prizes out to you.

Now I'm off to the Y for some me time.

Simple Pleasures

2011-07-07T14:20:00.001-04:00

Even though Vivi's language has become a bit more complex and (ahem....) colorful, sometimes her simplest notes are the sweetest. This is what she gave me a couple of weeks ago:

My present was this picture:

Vivi explained that she and I are walking on a path to China together in our high heels.

Since she's really into writing and sounding out words, I asked her to write my grocery list. I told her we needed:

Chocolate

Graham Crackers

Veggie Burgers

Watermelon

And this is what she wrote:

She may be sunshine and rainbows but she's part potty too.

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse into Motherhood.

Camp

2011-07-06T15:00:00.000-04:00

Soon after we decided to send Vivi to kindergarten at our neighborhood public school, we learned that the school was offering a four-week summer camp. We figured this would be a great opportunity for her to make some new friends, get used to the building, and have some fun. Plus, at $50 a week for full-day camp, we couldn't exactly scoff at the price. In fact, I believe my exact words were, "You're going to take my kid for eight hours a day, five days a week, and charge me $50. Are you shitting me?"

Anyway, do you want to know what Vivi learned at camp yesterday?

Sure you do.

She learned about George Washington.

She learned how to fly a kite. (Literally-- not the figurative way I taught her.)

She learned that cacti live in the desert in the Southwestern United States.

And... she learned the word pussy. (I'm not talking about cats here.)

I guess you get what you pay for.

Twins Versus Singleton

2011-07-05T14:50:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel bad for Vivi.

I get what is means to be a daughter. I also understand what it is like to be the first-born and a big sister. Like most people in the world, however, I have no idea what it means to be a sibling to "the twins." For Vivi, I think it must really suck sometimes.

This morning Vivi was complaining of a stomach ache and said she didn't want to go to camp. I knew she was probably feeling anxious and, after a long weekend of fun activities, it made sense to me that she would want to stay home. She still managed to get dressed and fully-accessorized but as she was lying on the floor complaining about camp, Jude came over and dumped a cup of water all over her. It drenched Vivi's "best favorite ever ruffly shirt" that she was wearing and she burst into tears.

I jumped up from the table, grabbed the cup from Jude, and yelled, "Why would you do that?" Jude burst into tears. Then in some kind-of strange twin symbiosis, Ellie ran over to Jude before Jude even began calling for her. Ellie embraced her as Jude rested her head on Ellie's shoulder. Jude's crying quickly subsided as Ellie rubbed her back and said, "Is alright Jude."

What struck me about this is that it was Vivi who was wronged. Ellie didn't run to her to make sure she was okay when she normally would have. Jude took priority and I realized how lonely it must be for Vivi sometimes. That amazing bond that Jude and Ellie share is lost on all of us but it most profoundly affects their big sister.

Jude did apologize to Vivi and she quickly changed into an even fancier outfit. I guess what she lacks in twins, she makes up for in sparkles.

Hey, want to win some free stuff? Click here. You have until midnight on Thursday.

Halfway There Giveaway

2011-07-01T13:50:00.000-04:00

At the beginning of the year, I made a commitment to myself and to Dollimama (my fellow blogger and mother of twins) to take a few minutes each week for myself. I promised that I would blog about what I did every Friday and link up to her site.

As it turns out, I was great at taking the time for myself but not so good at blogging about it. (I know you are heartbroken to have missed my weekly missives about the YMCA.) Do not despair, fair reader, I am here to redeem myself. I am participating in the:

Cue the wild cheering and applause!

I am giving away a little "me time" care package. While I won't give the specifics (who doesn't love a surprise?), the package will include something you can do for yourself, something you can do with a friend, and something that will help you do something for someone else.

To enter, please leave a comment telling me the most interesting place you have ever traveled. For a bonus entry, become a follower of this blog and leave me a separate comment noting that.

A winner will be chosen at random on Friday morning, July 8.

Check out the other giveaways by clicking here.

Good luck!!

When Life Hands You Lemons...

2011-06-30T14:24:00.000-04:00

I'm not really an optimist. In fact, according to my husband and other reliable sources, I can be a real complainer sometimes. I like to think it's part of my charm but I know he usually just finds me annoying.

This was particularly evidenced by my behavior yesterday morning when my husband made smoothies for the girls. Smoothies are always a hit in this house but when I got downstairs and saw that the pitcher and the girls' cups were mostly full, I knew something had gone horribly wrong. Still, I decided that the smoothie was worth a try but I was so overwhelmed by the sweetness that I didn't make it past one sip.

As the ray of sunshine that I am, I asked him what the hell happened to the smoothie. He said it was fine and I went on to complain that the girls would have finished their cups if it was fine. Then I made the discovery that all the blueberries and deviled eggs were gone. The blueberries went into the smoothie and the deviled eggs.... went into his belly. Shouldn't he know by sheer intuition that I was going to eat those eggs for breakfast and the blueberries were reserved for Vivi's lunch? Plus, there's nothing that raises my blood pressure more than wasted food. (Hey, it's the Peace Corps volunteer in me.)

After a few tense moments, I decided to behave like an adult. It was just a flippin' smoothie, a couple of eggs, and some blueberries. Plus, I had a good idea. I decided that when your husband hands you an over-the-top sweet smoothie, you make popsicles from it!

And then this is what happened:

I love Jude's expression here.

This popsicle makes me craaaaaaaaazy!

"Mama, want to see funny face?"

"This is silly face, Mama."

Guess those blueberries weren't wasted after all.

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.

What's in the Bag?

2011-06-28T20:45:00.000-04:00

Hey, guess what my husband brought home from work today?

When he asked me to take a look inside the bag he was carrying, I thought he had picked me up a treat at the bakery. Umm... no. What I found was a ziploc bag containing his kidney stone and a plastic spoon which he apparently used to fish it out of the toilet. Like a giddy kid who just made a cool discovery, he announced that he was going to send it off to the lab.

I suppose the lab will tell him exactly what he wants to hear, "Congratulations Dr. B! You just harvested your own kidney stone."

Emergencies

2011-06-27T14:53:00.001-04:00

It's never a good sign when your husband wakes you up at 4:45 in the morning and asks you to go fill a prescription for Dilaudid. It is even more disturbing when said husband has been up since 2 a.m. popping Percocet at double the rate of what is generally considered a standard dosage.

Before I continue with the story of my husband and powerful opiates, let me tell you that he is a runner. Actually, let's make that a RUNNER. He has a very high pain threshold, eats ridiculously well, and is very well-versed in all sorts of ways to live a healthy lifestyle. He is also a physician who has turned his traditional psychiatry practice into one where he relies on homeopathy and other energetic healing methods. He is not a pill popper.

So when he woke me up, I knew exactly what it was-- a kidney stone. When I returned with the prescription an hour or so after he woke me, he was crawling on the floor, unable to speak, and was shaking uncontrollably. He also had intermittent vomiting. It was bad. We've lived through a couple of kidney stones already but this was by far the worst I have ever seen him.

My husband was not interested in going to the emergency room. He did not feel that they would be able to do anything beyond what he was already doing at home. I disagreed and called my husband's colleague (a family friend who is also a family doctor) who also thought it was a good idea to get him to the hospital. At the very least, we figured, they could give him some anti-nausea meds and some IV fluids.

We live about four blocks from a hospital and in one of the small miracles of the day, none of the children had woken up by this point. I left the front door open, asked the neighbor to keep an ear out, and I drove my husband to the ER and dropped him off.

When I arrived an hour and a half later, I found my husband on a heart monitor, doped up on even more narcotics, and calling his patients to reschedule. While it was pretty entertaining watching my stoned husband drunk dial, I was a little unnerved by the constant beeping of the heart monitor. Apparently, when the nurse in triage took my husband's pulse, they (rightfully) freaked out that it was 35. It was only after an EKG and hooking him up to the heart monitor did anyone think to ask if he was a runner. His heart is fine.

With his pain well under control and eager to get the heck out of there, my husband dutifully peed in his cup and took out his own IV. He joked with the nurse that if his urine wasn't positive for creatine, they "could charge him double." Then he corrected himself and said, "Oh wait, you already are!" He thought this was hilarious.

At 9:45 in the morning, they released him and he insisted on going to work. My friend dropped him at his office and we checked on him at around noon. He told me that he didn't think the stone had passed and he was feeling a little loopy from all the drugs.

So what is a guy like him to do? See more patients, of course.

What Happens When You Leave the Camera Lying Around...

2011-06-23T09:18:00.000-04:00

One day, you'll flip the "review photos" setting on your camera and find things like this:

And perhaps, if your daughter is anything like my daughter, you will find photos of ALL her body parts.

Even the parts that aren't suitable for internet publication.

DELETE!

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.

Running for the Hills

2011-06-10T08:46:00.001-04:00

Hello Internet! I am back from the abyss of home improvement, rainy days, my cleanse, various outings and disasters, as well as Vivi's last day of nursery school. I survived it all and now we have this fancy thing on which I can relax:

Of course, I am not the only one who uses our new deck. How could you not spend a lot of time out there when you have a twin sister and conjoined adirondack chairs?

And snacks. Must not forget the snacks.

It wasn't long after the deck was finished and the rain broke, that my husband decided we needed a little family outing. So we drove to southern Rhode Island, slapped some numbers on our kids, enticed them with Pirate's Booty (or "Judy Moody" as Ellie calls it), and told them to run their little hearts out.

Which they did for a half mile. Well, Jude and Vivi did. Ellie stayed at the starting line with her snacks. Are you sensing a theme here?

"I'm taking you down, Mama."

Vivi did great and finished in the middle of the pack. Although she brought up the rear and face planted at the finish line, Jude was a rockstar two-year old runner!

Bring on the Booty! Jude and Vivi also got trophies which they both proudly carried around with them the whole next day. I did the kiddie run with Jude but I didn't get a trophy. What's up with that?

After all the racing hullabaloo, we had to face the fact that Vivi had one last day of nursery school. She was sad. I was sad. Jude and Ellie were delighted that there was an "ice cream potty" at the end of the school day.

This is Vivi on her first day of school in 2009:

And this is her on Monday, her last day:

As promised, there was some celebratory ice cream.

When I proudly exclaimed, "Hey Viv, school's out for summer!" She looked at me and said, "Mom, I don't feel very good about that."

Of course, summer vacation couldn't begin without some serious celebration at home. That's when this happened:

Who doesn't love a clear view of the trees from their minivan? Well, that would be Vivi's parents.

The story on how the window got broken is a bit cloudy. There was some spinning involved (both physically with Vivi and probably the story too), a rock pile nearby, and a whole lot of tears. I think I get a B for keeping my mama rage in check but we are now $250 poorer for the repair and we have a five year old on house arrest.

That's my story. What have you been up to, fair readers?

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.

Let's Not Forget That Cashews Are Nuts. (And Maybe I Am Too!)

2011-05-23T15:15:00.000-04:00

I made a raw "cheesecake" yesterday. Since I am off sugar and gluten, I've not been able to get my baking fix so I decided that I would try making something dessert-like. Since the ingredients were cleanse-approved, I felt good flexing my culinary muscles.

So what is a raw cheesecake, you ask? Well, the one I made is basically pureed soaked cashews, berries, agave, lemon, and some coconut oil. I tend to avoid things that claim they are cheese when they are not. (I mean, why mess with something as glorious as cheese?!) In the spirit of the cleanse, however, I thought I would branch out.

And you know what happened? Sure you do. This "cheesecake" went over like a lead balloon.

Jude and Ellie sniffed at it suspiciously and then declared, "No like it, Mama." Vivi took a few bites and then asked for ice cream. Mark said it was okay but probably not good enough for the cost of the ingredients. I, the sugar-addict in the house, thought it was too sweet.

Too sweet. Holy crap-- this cleanse really is working!

Mr. Fix-It 5, Mama 0

2011-05-19T20:44:00.001-04:00

Ladies, I am doing something that I never ever thought I would do: a cleanse. Yes, in a moment of bloated flabbiness, I signed up for this. I am off dairy, gluten, all processed food including tofu, and sugar for ten days. As a vegetarian, I'm also not eating meat so it's been a lot of almond butter, avocado, hummus, and kale around these parts.

And, well, it hasn't been terrible. The first couple days I felt more tired than I have felt in a very long time. I think it was because I had to sever my relationship with sugar. (I was sorry to have to break-up with my BFF but her time had come. She's been treating me badly for so long that I just couldn't keep pretending our problems didn't exist.)

The most challenging part of this week is not the cleanse, however. It is this:

We hired someone to paint our foyer, stairwell, and upstairs hallway. We are on day 5! FIVE! I have been out of the house from 8 a.m. until 4 p.m. every day in the rain with at least two children (but usually three) trying to keep them occupied while Mr. Fix-It takes 45+ hours to paint roughly 200 square feet.

This project combined with all this quality, nap-less time with my children resulted in the consumption of six french fries, a few bites of macaroni and cheese, and a taste of almond cake by yours truly. (An Ikea lunch of champions!) As if that wasn't enough of a lapse, when I got home and saw that aforementioned project still wasn't done, I popped some popcorn.... with butter.

Mr. Fix-it drove me to it, I swear.

Damn YOU Blogger!

2011-05-13T14:26:00.000-04:00

What happened to my two preceding posts? They were officially published with comments and now they are gone.

GRRRR......

A Sunny Day

2011-05-12T09:03:00.000-04:00

The first warm sunny day around here is an important day. That's when Daddy empties the compost bin and all his helpers get to work.

At some point during this process, a certain someone felt the need to remove her pants.

Don't worry Daddy, I'll take care of this.

Smoothie in the sunshine = Toddler Bliss!

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Mootherhood.

Kindergarten: The Decision

2011-05-11T11:16:00.002-04:00

As many of you know, my husband and I have been struggling with our decision about where to send Vivi for kindergarten. Providence public schools are strapped for money and all of the teachers were issued pink slips several months ago. The city is planning on closing some schools and spreading the students from those schools to the ones that will remain open. Our neighborhood school will remain open but with twenty-eight kids in a class already, many from highly impoverished homes, I have a hard time envisioning how this will work.

On the contrary, there is a lovely private school walking distance from our house where Vivi was admitted. The kindergarten is play-oriented with lots of recess, the curriculum is progressive, the classrooms are small, and there is dual education in English and Hebrew. It is expensive, of course, but the school gave us a generous financial aid package.

So it's a simple decision, right? Unfortunately, no.

When we began the process of looking for schools for Vivi, we were not thinking about the financial implication of sending three children to private school. We wanted to find an environment that would support and nurture our precocious first-born. While it is hard to predict what sort of educational needs Jude and Ellie will have, we are almost certain that they would want to go to their big sister's school. That would mean more cash than we are comfortable shelling out.

Ultimately, we felt that we couldn't make the financial commitment to send all three until we knew absolutely that public school wouldn't work for Vivi. We are looking at kindergarten as a chance to see what the public school has to offer. If it turns out not to be a suitable environment for Vivi, the private school will admit her mid-year. At least then we will have tried the public option.

I think this is probably the best possible decision we could have made given what we know. If that's the case, I'm just not sure why I burst into tears when my husband notified the private school that we weren't enrolling Vivi.

Just In Time for Mother's Day

2011-05-05T17:14:00.001-04:00

This is Jude.

Jude has always been a daddy's girl.

I am generally okay with that. Since Vivi has expressed a clear preference for our neighbor and Ellie seems to want to snuggle with me, it's only fair that my husband gets a little loving now and then too. He's a great guy.

Today, however, Jude did something I never expected. This morning, I ignored both Turtles in order to do some laundry. They were entertaining themselves (translation: fighting over toys) so I let them have at it so I could serve the higher cause of providing my family with some clean underwear.

By the time I was done, it was obvious that Jude needed a break from Ellie. I sat down next to her on the living room rug and cracked open a book. Before I began to read, Jude grabbed my hand and said, "Love you Mama."

I don't know if she really does love me or if she was just sick of her sister. Both scenarios are plausible but it made my morning, nonetheless.

What You Do When You Have More Children Than Hands

2011-05-03T08:35:00.000-04:00

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom and her Glimpse of Motherhood Project.

Five Years Ago

2011-04-26T20:17:00.000-04:00

Five years ago today, I became a mother to this little creature:

I loved her instantly.

Somehow that peanut turned five.

Today, like each day before, I love her even more.

(Even when she decides that the best place to pose for her "5" birthday photo is next to the potty.)

My Husband

2011-04-22T13:19:00.001-04:00

In a couple of weeks, my husband will be heading down to New York City to attend his 25-year medical school reunion. As part of the event materials, graduates had to send little biographies of themselves as well as photographs which would be included in an alumni directory.

Simple right?

Well, we got the directory in the mail the other day. Everyone sent in photos that looked like this:

Source

Everyone... except my husband. This is his photo:

He and I had a good laugh over this and hopefully the folks at Columbia will too.

What Is Wrong with This Picture?

2011-04-14T09:56:00.000-04:00

What? You mean you didn't potty train your child while she was fully-clothed and holding a pan intending to make "crazy-dillas?"

Oh, I guess that just happens in our house.

Language: Spoken and Otherwise Part I

2011-04-13T09:41:00.000-04:00

It's barely 9 a.m. and I am processing three distinct interactions with my twins this morning. Here is the first:

Ellie wakes me up every morning after she and Jude have breakfast with their dad. She usually comes in like a tornado and then climbs on the bed yelling, "Ake up Mama! Ake up Mama!" When I begin to stir, she burrows under the covers and changes her battle cry to "Nuggle Mama!" while she settles her head next to mine on the pillow. Despite the ruckus, I love starting my day this way.

This morning Ellie came in with the usual commotion but instead of telling me to wake up, she was barking like a dog. She got up on the bed with her stuffed puppy and started bouncing it on my head while she was growling. When I looked up, she said, "Mama, Puppy poop on head." Then she put her nose to my scalp and proclaimed, "Oooooh, stinky!"

This is a long way away from the usual snuggling. Before today, Ellie would lie next to me, stroke my hair and say very gently, "Mama, pritty hair." What struck me today was the pretend play. Today, Ellie was something other than who she always is. I don't remember the moment when Vivi got what it meant to pretend but I am excited to see what these little ones come up with... even if it means I have stinky hair.

All For Me!!!!!

2011-04-09T11:26:00.000-04:00

It's been a rough week around here. Vivi came down with her first ever ear infection which has left her miserable and whimpering in pain. She would be okay during the day but around dinnertime she would spike a high fever and then descend into a pit of discomfort. We all have been paying the price with lack of sleep and short tempers.

The challenge for us is that we didn't really know what to do. Antibiotics generally aren't prescribed for ear infections and my husband's homeopathy was not working. We finally got her some liquid children's Tylenol to cope with the pain but I cringed after reading the ingredients. Is it really necessary to put in parabens, high fructose corn syrup, and red #40 in there especially when your kid still says, "Mommy, why do they have to make it taste so gross?" The medicine seemed more harmful than the infection so that's when I decided to put some olive oil and garlic in her ear. Vivi's nursery school teacher said that some parents swear by it so I thought I'd give it a try.

When my husband came home and I told him what I had done, he said, "That's supposed to be really effective." Of course I had to ask why the flip didn't we try it three days ago? Grrr..... Anyway, it cured her! She woke up yesterday morning as her usual, high-fashion, sassy self and we all did a little happy dance.

This morning, the terrible sore throat, stuffed head, and ringing in my ears was all for me! I am a little ticked-off that I am sick but not enough to forgo this. I won a spot in a one day wellness retreat and I am so excited. I get the entire late afternoon and evening all to myself. And you know what? I think it is going to be way more effective than oil and garlic!

Linking up to Dolli-Mama's Me Time Challenge.

Where's My Underwear?

2011-04-07T09:12:00.000-04:00

Sometimes underpants are just that.

Sometimes underpants are the BEST. PLAYTHINGS. EVER.

See what I mean?

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom this week.

Why My Daughters Are Freedom-Loving Americans

2011-04-01T09:31:00.000-04:00

It isn't everyday that I think about how lucky I am to live in the good ol' US of A. Sure, I enjoy paying through the nose for our exceedingly crappy health insurance. I swell with pride when I hear that my husband and I pay more taxes than General Electric. I feel a sense of calm when I remember that Haliburton has an exemption to the Clean Water Act. I mean if the government recognizes that it can't keep our water safe at least it has the good sense to pass off the responsibility to a multi-national company. Right?

Even with these comforting thoughts, I sometimes take my freedom for granted. I mean how lucky am I to get to drive on the superbly maintained roads in my neighborhood? Isn't it great that I get to go to bed every night and know that giving my daughters an exemplary education will only cost around $20,000? Thank goodness I have my freedom-loving children to remind me of what it is like to live with liberty.

If you didn't have freedom.....

Could you take off your pants and tie yourselves together with a bungee cord?

Could you work zoning regulations to your advantage and turn the living room into your very own break-dancing space?

Could you successfully lobby the government to reward you with incentives (cookies) after you broke the law (pooping on the rug)? Then when you know the incentives are forthcoming, can you repeatedly demand that they take effect immediately?

("Cookie done yet? Cookie done yet? Cookie done YEEEEEETTTT?")

Could you forego the requisite waiting period for the incentives? Of course not. That's what liberty is all about.

These are my daughters. They live and breathe America every single day.

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood.

How To Grow To Hate Felt

2011-03-24T15:28:00.000-04:00

Several posts ago, I mentioned that I was working on a felt play mat for Vivi's nursery school's silent auction. This is an annual fundraiser for her small co-operative school and each family is responsible for submitting two donations. They can be handmade items or things you solicit from local businesses. Because I am a ~~glutton for punishment~~ crafty gal, I decided I was going to go handmade.

Big Mistake.

You may recall that I said I liked doing something like this in the evening after the kiddos are in bed. Yeah, that feeling lasted about three days. After that, this project (combined with my perfectionism) became the bane of my existence. Nonetheless, I got the sucker finished after about 25+ hours of work. Now let's hope it brings in more than $10 otherwise I am setting my felt collection on fire.

Hell, I just might do that anyway.

The finished product

Have I mentioned my girls are obsessed with car washes? That's how this one made the cut.

Free advertising for Daddy... and Target.

Vivi's teachers are incarnated in felt. A lifelong dream realized, I'm sure.

Linking up to Simply Modern Mom's Glimpse Into Motherhood this week.

An Added Bonus

2011-03-22T14:27:00.001-04:00

Around the holidays, I discovered a wonderful organization called Donor's Choose. Through the website, public school teachers from around the country post project ideas and anyone can donate to them. Once a project reaches its funding goal, Donor's Choose delivers the materials to the school and you get e-mails and photos showing you how the money was spent.

What makes this organization so wonderful is that you can give as little or as much as you want and really make a difference. Last year I gave about $80 (most of which was sitting in a paypal account from random stuff I sold on Ebay) and I was able to complete the funding of four different projects. One of these projects provided garden tools for a garden club at an elementary school in a high poverty area of California.

From Donor's Choose

Besides all the good feelings you get by giving, I got an added bonus. While we were away in California, I received a package of handwritten notes from the children in the garden club. This is what one of the letters said:

"...I sincerely thank you for donating these items to a club that has less than 20 members- even in this poor economy caused by George Bush."

After a thank you note like that, I've never been more convinced that my money was well-spent.

I've Got Nothing.

2011-03-18T21:24:00.000-04:00

Today is my day to wax poetic about the time I spent doing something for myself this week. Well, I've got nothing.

With all the travel and stomach viruses, I didn't have much time to think about myself. I spent some time getting caught up on my internet pursuits which sounds far dirtier than it actually is. Somehow wasting time on the internet doesn't make me feel all sparkly and hot mama-ish. It just makes me a hot, boring mess.

Can you even be a hot mess without eye liner?

You Heard It Here First. My Family Is a Security Threat.

2011-03-17T13:21:00.001-04:00

We are back from California and settling into our permanent home again. As our first vacation as a family of five, it was fairly successful. There were some bumps and bugs and very little sleep but overall, I am not so completely traumatized by it that we will likely consider doing it again next year. That's the best possible outcome, I think.

Nonetheless, a few things became glaringly clear to me while we were on vacation in California. Want to hear my revelations? Sure, you do.

The first is that no matter how much space you have on a plane, there is never enough room. We were very lucky to have had three rows to ourselves in the back of the plane on our trip to San Francisco but the girls somehow managed to sprawl out all over the place. My husband and I made it through with lots of legs in the lap and elbows in the face.

The second is that if one plane trip is relatively painless, the other will not be. Our return home on Tuesday was marked by one snafu after another. We were somehow labeled as a security issue at SFO airport which resulted in all of our carry-ons being unpacked and searched. There were diapers, snacks, books, and assorted other items strewn all over the security area. My husband's box of fifty or so homeopathic remedies was dumped and the girls were running wild in their stocking feet since our stroller and shoes were also sequestered. My husband and I were then frisked publicly which has to be one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. It also was not a comforting sight for Ellie who was sobbing uncontrollably during the whole thing. By the time we were deemed harmless and sent on our merry way, the plane was boarding. That's when Jude decided to puke in the waiting area. Ellie at least had the patience to wait until we were strapped in and taking off. Unfortunately, her patience did not mitigate the fact that she covered me and herself in vomit. Oh, and did I mention that Vivi vomits at the mere sound of another person upchucking? There you have it.

The third revelation is that I am really a California person trapped on the East Coast. I truly believe that I was meant to live in a place where there is virtually no humidity, where even summer nights cool down, where composting is a way of life, and where strawberries actually taste like strawberries.... even in March!

In light of all this, I think our trip can best be summed up by this photo of our little rascal Ellie in Muir Woods.

It's my Glimpse Into Motherhood this week. (Thanks to Simply Modern Mom who featured my photo from last week!)

Happy Birthday Turtles! Happy Family Trip!!!

2011-03-10T23:08:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, the terrific Turtle twosome turned two and we celebrated by taking a family trip to California!

Good Morning Birthday Girls!

I'll just borrow my big sister's shoes to get gussied up for my party. I am two after all.

Ellie's pretty impressed with this "birthday" pretzel.

Being two means that you get bigger bibs and glass plates (because that's all Aunt Annie had!)

Smile everyone and try not to look massively jet-lagged and sleep-deprived!

I love that chubby little two-year-old hand that snuck into the picture.

That was delicious!

Time to open some birthday books that mommy smuggled in her suitcase.

Thank goodness Mama forgot to clip my nails.

Breakfast for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Off to have more California adventures!

Felt and Solitude

2011-03-04T13:15:00.000-05:00

As noted in a recent post, I've been bogged down by sickness. Not my own, of course, but by that of my family. I am sure that I will get sick as soon as we hop on the plane for San Francisco tomorrow. Our first family vacation since the Turtles were born is no doubt a good time for the dreaded stomach bug to come and bite me in the ass.

Normally, I am not such a pessimist but given all the illness that surrounds me and our lack of decent options for school (we won no charter school lottery), I am feeling like I am living a little less on the bright side these days.

Since it is Friday, it is also time to report what I have done for my me time. Well, there isn't much to report. I realized this morning that I have not been to the Y all week, haven't prepared one decent meal, and the last time I showered was Monday. (The dry brushing felt great, however!) I gross myself out sometimes.

The upshot of my week was that once all the sickies were in bed, I sat down at my dining room table and worked on this:

It's a felt car mat for my daughter's nursery school's silent auction. I'm not doing this for me, per se, but I've liked the quiet solitude that comes with working on this project. It's not close to finished but with a deadline looming, I'm going to have to get it gussied up right quick.

Why Motherhood Sucks

2011-03-02T19:41:00.001-05:00

About once a year, someone in this house gets really sick. Within a day, someone else will get it. Then another person goes out of commission. Before we know it, Mama is the only one left standing.

Welcome to my week.

I've been wiping goopy, pink eyes since last Friday. I've been a walking handkerchief for my children's boogers and sneezes. I've force fed applesauce and pedialyte only to have it vomited up all over my floors. I've settled babies who call out for our cleaning lady in the middle of the night because they are stuck in some sort of feverish, dream-like state. I've made my husband tea to help soothe his laryngitis. I've snuggled and watched more television than I ever thought possible. And because I am participating in the Glimpse Into Motherhood Project, I documented the whole nasty week.

Ellie snuggling with Daddy on Saturday afternoon. Never a good sign.

Vivi was the first to get sick. Here she has passed out on the couch. Illness will never prevent her from being fancy, however. Notice the high heels.

Sleeping Vivi means an opportunity for Ellie to get her greedy little paws on those shoes!

Not 24 hours later, this is how I discovered my feverish Jude. All snuggled with Panda Bayah asleep on the couch.

Since Jude got a snuggly place to sleep, Ellie made her own bed on the floor next to her.

And less than 24 hours after THAT, guess who has taken Jude's place on the couch? It's the high heel thief!

Of course, Jude still wasn't feeling better.

That's when Ellie rescinded the couch to Jude and fell asleep hanging off the chair.

Now, who wants to come over???

Lady with a Plan

2011-02-26T14:37:00.000-05:00

I've got a plan. For the first time since the birth of the Turtles, this plan does not involve ways that I can get more sleep, save more money, or keep the house from imploding. While those are all noble pursuits, I've realized that I need to do more things to help me feel good. Since heavy drinking isn't an option, I bought this:

Now get your mind out of the gutter.

You see, since I started working out regularly, I've been sleeping better and have a lot more energy. I also feel more capable as a parent although I'll admit that the babysitting while I exercise probably has more to do with that feeling. These experiences, combined with a recent article I read about dry-brushing and the detoxifying benefits of doing it regularly, got me interested. This is something I can do for myself that is easy and won't take a lot of time. Plus, it just might minimize the appearance of my cellulite.

A woman has to have goals, you know?

Sorry

2011-02-24T19:04:00.000-05:00

Despite the title, this is not an apology. This is my weekly glimpse into motherhood sponsored by Simply Modern Mom.

Sorry, anyone?

For the last twelve months or so, this is how my husband, Vivi, and I have spent the hour that falls between the girls' bedtimes. It's one of my favorite times of day.

Loveliness

2011-02-18T20:35:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just can't get over how lucky I am to have this life. I know this is a big change from the usual griping I do on this blog but I have had such a nice week that I thought I'd share. And, since this is my update for the ME Challenge, it seems particularly appropriate.

It started last Saturday when my husband gave me some time to myself. Instead of puttering around the house, I decided to visit my dear friend with four month-old twins. It was such a delight catching up with her and snuggling with her babies. She asked me questions about things I did when my Turtles were that small and it is amazing that I have no recollection whatsoever of how we made it through the days and weeks of that first year. What a joy to be able to experience twins without having the sleep deprivation, guilt, and feeding demands clouding the experience!

Now that we've gone a couple of weeks without snow, the girls and I have been out and about a lot. We've walked to the library, been to the Y nearly every day, and picked up some treats at our local bakery. We celebrated Valentine's Day by baking cupcakes and putting flowers all over the house. All in all, we are stretching our legs and beckoning spring in the hope of an early arrival.

Spring fever has made us much quicker to laugh around these parts too. Particularly when a Turtle puts together her fanciest outfit to-date:

Or Vivi's attempt to protect her stuff:

Spring fever can even seem to bring out the affection in the most curmudgeonly of preschoolers and make a Mama's small, grinchy heart grow three sizes. See what I mean:

In case you can't decipher four-year-old scrawl, it says "I *heart* U Mom From Aviva." She left that note for me on my to-do list. What is more perfect than that?

Oh, the pictures!

2011-02-17T09:26:00.000-05:00

I have had my camera out a lot more this week and it has been hard to decide which photo to link up with the project. My photos aren't that great but I captured so many moments that I otherwise would have forgotten and that's pretty cool.

Like the girls splashing in the snow melt:

Perhaps, you noticed Jude's soap-opera cut? You know-- the ubiquitous bandage-above-the-eye that someone is always sporting on an episode of Days of Our Lives. Well, this is what it looks like without the bandage:

Yeah, that's what happens when a Turtle collides with the corner of a door. The upside is that Jude is now telling everyone she is a "bruiser." Literally and figuratively, folks.

But, I think my favorite photo this week is the one doesn't feature my children at all. It's what happens when I let them have at the pots and pans to cook.

Poor baby...

Boobs

2011-02-15T14:21:00.000-05:00

There is a lot of discussion about boobs in our house. Usually, it involves the Turtles who love trying on my bras and announcing that they are wearing "milks." Several times a day, one of them will run up to me, look down my shirt, and laugh. "Mama's milks aww gone," they declare before they dissolve into giggles.

Their joke is funny to them because they remember nursing but know that they can't anymore because I've dried up. What they don't get is the irony in their declaration. My "milks" have shrunk so significantly that most of my bras don't fit anymore. They're not gone but compared to what they were before, well, let's just say my real estate has been severely diminished.

This past Saturday the subject of boobs came up again. Vivi had her swim lesson and the teacher was wearing a rather ill-fitting swim suit. Picture a very plump, 60ish lady in stylish glasses, a very low-cut leopard print tank suit, and breasts the size of a pontoon boat. The prospect that one of her gigantic boobies was going to fall out was so great that I was riveted during the entire lesson. (It's not that I wanted to see her breasts. I just couldn't believe that her suit would keep them in place!)

Alas, there was no wardrobe malfunction but as I was snuggling in bed with Vivi that night, I asked her if she enjoyed her swim lesson. "Well, it was okay. I liked the teacher from the first lesson better," she said. When I asked why, she said, "Mama, that other teacher has small boobies like yours and they stay in her bathing suit."

Clearly, I wasn't the only one who noticed.

The Real Reason I Go to the YMCA

2011-02-12T09:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm a day late and a dollar short with this whole Me Challenge. Actually, I've been doing pretty well at claiming some time for myself. I've just not been so good with linking back up in a timely manner. Dolli-Mama will you forgive me? I'm blaming it on the twins!

Anyway, I've been spending my time at the Y watching episodes of the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. (Oh, it is just so shamefully delicious....) The exercise is really just the vehicle for me to feed my crack-like addiction to reality television, particularly television that involves wealthy women behaving really badly.... oh the inspiration!

Not to be outdone by the Y, my husband is giving me most of today off. He's taking the girls to an undisclosed location and I get to do whatever I want. The opportunities are endless. So, ladies, what should I do????

Project 52: A Glimpse Into Motherhood

2011-02-10T15:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not much of a photographer but I find that I enjoy trying to capture pictures of my girls. Lately, the Turtles don't stop moving long enough to get a clear shot and Vivi outright shuns the camera. There's nothing I like more than a challenge, however. (Ok, there's just a touch of sarcasm in that sentence.)

Anyway, Simply Modern Mom has a weekly project on her blog that I thought I would join. Her Glimpse Into Motherhood is a good opportunity for me to try and get more photos of my children and my experience of motherhood. In turn, I hope to learn to accept and appreciate the joy found in our ordinary days. No biggie, right?

So here goes... my first picture. My girls and I got bundled up and went for a walk earlier this week. The first one we've done all winter. It was nice not to feel stressed about holding both Jude and Ellie's hands. After all, the snow piles provided the perfect protection from traffic.

The Word

2011-02-09T09:50:00.000-05:00

My husband and I were just marveling at how the Turtles' vocabulary has exploded. They went from a handful of words and sounds a month ago to a whole host of phrases and demands today. They are beginning to understand nuance and humor in language which is just mind-boggling. Even though they are my second and third children, I still can't get over how fast the language acquisition happens. I vaguely remember this with Vivi but because I have double the number of girls talking it seems that much more pronounced (ha!) with Jude and Ellie.

Ellie doesn't speak as much or have as many words as her twin BUT she definitely communicates well. She always responds with a thank you when anyone gives her something. She doesn't need to be prompted and it makes the Miss Manners inside me jump with joy each time I hear it.

Ellie also has a good sense for people. When Vivi was being sassy to me the other morning, Ellie marched right up her and said, "Viva, TIME OUT!" Ellie also informed me that Jude was a "cranker" when she woke up demanding her stuffed dog that Daddy forgot to bring downstairs.

Jude, not to be outshone by Ellie's manners, is a little jokester. She is incredibly good at creating diversions so that she can avoid getting into trouble. This is a popular scenario:

Me (stern voice): Jude, what are you doing?
Jude: Hi.
Me (still stern): Jude, no playing with that.
Jude ignores me and continues playing.
Me (stern voice): Juuuuuuuuude.
Jude (throws arms open): Mama, kiss!

That's when I give her a big snuggle. Once I move away, she is back to her old trick of playing with something that is not meant to be touched. Lately, instead of asking for a kiss, she'll turn into a cat because she knows it cracks me up.

Despite all the utterances of important things like cantaloupe and garbage truck, there are more than enough "Mine!" and "Share!" or "Get it!" to make my head spin. I understand why some parents of twins just buy duplicates of everything. The incessant negotiation of toys is exhausting. Of course, Jude and Ellie are learning important skills by not having all the same toys but it is mama who often suffers the consequences from all the screaming. Any advice on how to handle toy sharing among twins?

Oh, and Vivi, who is no slouch in the creative use of language department, told me that "the texture of the water in the shower makes [her] eyes feel like they are bleeding on the inside." Ummm.... okay.

Vivi also hasn't won any awards in the modesty department. When I am admired her artwork the other day, she said, "Mom, I am not a colorer. I am an artiste!"

An artiste and two battling twins, what more could a mama ask for?

Me Challenge

2011-02-06T12:29:00.000-05:00

In all my angst about kindergarten, I forgot to do my update for Dolli-Mama's 52 Week Me Time Challenge. I wish I could say that I did something wonderfully exciting this week but alas, I didn't.

The good news is that I made it to the gym a few times this week. I plopped the girls in the childcare and hopped on the machines. It isn't much and it certainly doesn't make for riveting blog content but I am glad that I am doing it. The bad news is my ass is still the size of the Yukon Territory but at least I feel like I accomplished something when I stagger off the treadmill.

When I think back to the first year of the babies' lives, it is hard to believe that I survived with my sanity in check. The exclusive breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and all the necessary tasks to keep the children alive and the house from imploding made time to myself virtually impossible. I've had so many people come up to me and say the usual line, "I don't know how you do it." The truth is that doing it requires a lot of help and a lot of self sacrifice but I guess that can be our little secret.

Why Kindergarten Is Going To Push Me Over the Edge

2011-02-04T11:30:00.000-05:00

I need someone to talk me down. I just returned from a tour of our neighborhood public school. This is the school where Vivi will very likely attend kindergarten in the fall and I just don't think I can handle it.

I walked out of the school near tears. Part of my reaction, I think, is the emotion of sending my first-born off to school. I find myself vacillating between the excitement of having her be someone else's problem for a few hours (hardy...har...har...) and the sadness that my little girl is no longer so little. The other part of my reaction is that this school is just not what I want for her.

One of the bees in my bonnet is that the school district only allows kids 15 minutes of recess a day. Fifteen! Like somehow if we just keep them in the classroom whilst driving information into their brains these children will score higher on standardized tests. My daughter is still little enough to need time to run around.

My husband and I were also standing in those kindergarten classes picturing how frustrated our daughter would be. You see, Vivi is very language-oriented. She loves practicing her writing, making up languages, and learning to read and it really bothers her that her fellow nursery school classmates don't all know their letters and sounds. (Yes, my kid is also a pain in the ass.) When she becomes frustrated, her behavior deteriorates and while I think it is important and necessary that she learns HOW to handle that frustration, I think putting her in an educational environment that forces her to slow down instead of advance is going to spell trouble.

So I am left feeling depressed about our lack of options. Here's the deal: We have put in applications to charter schools but since my luck isn't that good, I doubt we'll win that lottery. We have also applied to our neighborhood Jewish Community Day School which is wonderful (two significant recesses a day and a very challenging curriculum!) but unless we get some serious financial aid, we won't be coughing up $16,250 for the pleasure of sending our kid there. And, well, my daughter doesn't like me enough to make homeschooling a viable option.

What's a stressed-out Mom to do?

At the Y-M-C-A

2011-01-30T21:09:00.000-05:00

Since we are buried under ridiculous amounts of snow and I am trying to keep my sanity with all the school cancellations, I have managed to commit the breadwinner of the family to let us join the Y.

At first, my darling husband balked at the $72 a month price tag. I admit that it was a bit pricier than I initially expected and my timing wasn't great. (Note to self: Next time don't request a pricey item right after husband has just shelled out $7000 in quarterly taxes.) Once I explained that he would actually get a chance to work out and there was child care included in the price, however, he was sold.

And so, we've begun having a ton of fun at the YMCA. Vivi is learning to swim. I'm taking yoga classes with all my girls. (Some more successfully than others.) My husband is getting his workouts in and occasionally making use of the sauna. Most importantly, I have the opportunity seven days a week to jump on some sort of machine and burn a few calories while watching reruns of The Daily Show all while my children are being entertained by somebody else.

Ladies and Gentlemen, that is priceless.

Shopping

2011-01-21T20:08:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big shopper. I don't like crowds. I don't like buying for the sake of owning more stuff. I hate trying on things and feeling bad about myself afterwards. All in all, shopping is just not a pleasant experience for me. Add to that the three children I almost always have in tow and it is downright miserable.

So when my husband gave me a big chunk of time to myself last weekend, I did what I usually do. I puttered. I folded some laundry. I broke down about fifteen cardboard boxes that had accumulated on our back porch since Christmas. I swept the kitchen, cleaned off the papers on my desk, and generally enjoyed the sound of silence. It was time to myself that I spent doing chores but I didn't resent it because nothing thrills me more than feeling like I've accomplished something. Once I got those things done, however, it occurred to me that leaving the house might actually be a good thing.

That's when I went shopping. I guess the memory of doing anything without my entourage is so far-removed from my consciousness that I thought I would give it a try. Lo and behold, I actually enjoyed myself. I admired the shoe selection at Marshall's. I picked up a no parking sign at Lowe's. I found a $1.75 sequined t-shirt at Target which I'll tuck away for Vivi's birthday. I didn't rush. I didn't have to pack snacks and time my trip so no one would melt down. I didn't have to buckle and unbuckle three car seats. And when I got home, everyone was still out.

How is that for a gift?

Let Me Guess....

2011-01-17T09:10:00.000-05:00

I can't tell you how many people walk into our house, see Jude and Ellie running gangbusters through the mess, and say, "Ok. Don't tell me who is who. Let me guess." Sometimes, my friends get it right and sometimes they don't but I think it is funny that guessing who is who has become a little game for them.

Jude and Ellie look a lot alike. Physically, they were quite different when they were first born but as the months passed, they started to look more and more like each other. I don't dress them the same for many reasons, not the least of which is it takes me just a little too long to differentiate them when they are in the same outfit. With efficiency and simplicity as my goal, matching outfits would only add to the chaos.

Now, as the mother, you would think that I have no problem telling my kids apart but if they are dressed alike and I'm not seeing their faces directly on, I confuse them. A lot. At their one year well-check, I was holding a baby on my lap facing the doctor. My husband was holding the other one. We were arguing over who was who in front of the pediatrician and well, I was wrong.

The pervasive assumption throughout my pregnancy was that the babies are fraternal. They had separate sacks, separate placentas, and the number of fraternal twins in my family is significant. As the months have passed, however, I've wondered if this is actually the case. Jude and Ellie are very similar to each other and very dissimilar from their big sister. The Turtles have always been within ounces of each other in weight, their first tooth was both their top right and they have hit all their milestones within days of each other, and they both have the same, swirled blue and brown eye-color. There are other things too, which combined with my challenges of telling them apart, has got me wondering. Are my girls identical or am I just really clueless?

I wonder about this but I don't feel inclined to find out if they are actually identical. I'm afraid that knowing might change how I parent them and I like the idea that perhaps there are more differences than I can actually see. If I knew they were identical, I think I'd be less likely to treat them as individuals. (Consciously or not...)

So, I guess I'll just err on the side of clueless mama.

Why It's Challenging....

2011-01-15T09:27:00.000-05:00

A couple of posts ago, I talked about the challenge that Dolli-Mama issued at the beginning of the year. The goal for anyone who agreed to the challenge is to take at least ten minutes each week to do something for herself. Ten measly minutes and yet it is it so hard!

Now, don't get me wrong, I've been trying to get twenty minutes of exercise a day while the babies nap. I feel good afterwards but it is NOT what I want to do. It is something I need to do and thus it is not a real treat. A real treat would be getting out of the house or even better, getting the kids out of the house while I enjoy the quiet BY MYSELF.

I think part of the reason I'm feeling extra prickly is because I have not had a break in close to two weeks. My husband was gone all last weekend on a ski trip (something I totally agreed to) so I was braving the masses on my own. He's around this weekend but is under the weather. Next weekend, he is off at a conference. (Apparently, I also agreed to that but I certainly didn't realize what a toll all this ceaseless childcare would take on me when I said yes.) I know I'll get to take a weekend to myself at one point but that seems far into the future.

Anyway, my goal for today is to get this little beauty framed:

I sing this song to my girls all the time so when I saw this print online, I had to have it. If this doesn't cheer me up, then I am worse off than I thought.

A sunny Saturday to you all...

Snow Day

2011-01-13T09:50:00.000-05:00

So, what is a girl and her family to do when it is snowing like crazy?

Well, the first thought was to get everyone dressed up and outside. I mean, really, who doesn't love a toboggan ride in a snow storm?

Well, apparently, Ellie doesn't.

Because the thrill of the snow was lost on Ellie, we headed back inside. That's when the girls discovered the joy of the recycling bin:

And since the house was already torn apart and I was feeling crafty, I busted out my sewing machine. I needed some color on this gray day so this what I came up with:

A tote bag because I clearly do not have enough vessels for carrying my children's crap.

Today is the day after the blizzard. School has been canceled again and we are trying to entertain ourselves. So do you want to wear a manilla envelope on your head and come over and dance?

We'd love to have you!

The Challenge

2011-01-07T21:25:00.001-05:00

I think it was about a year ago when I received an email from a nice young woman who had found my blog. She had just discovered that she was having twins herself and was wondering how the heck she was going to do it all. Like me, she has an older child and her twins were a surprise. I wasn't sure I had much to offer her in my bleary-eyed state but I gave her some encouragement, a little advice, and hoped for the best. As it turns out this mama had a beautiful set of twin girls and is coping well with the demands of parenting three small children.

Right before New Year's, this young woman emailed me again. This time it was a challenge to take a few minutes every week in 2011 and do something for myself. It is a remarkably simple idea that we mothers often fail to do and so I decided to commit. (Believe it or not, it's not the first time I've considered committing myself.)

So guess what I did bloggy friends? I exercised. Several times this week. Good god, a new day has dawned! Instead of doing loads of laundry and wasting time on Facebook, I spent 20 minutes during the babes' naptime getting yelled at by Jillian Michaels or being congratulated by the Wii yoga instructor for my posture. It isn't much but it is something and miraculously, the laundry is still done and my kids are still fed.

Go figure.

Saying Goodbye

2011-01-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

I am in the throes of despair. No, it's not my waistline or the complete inability of my Turtles to sleep through the freaking night (although those certainly merit despair.) I'm distraught because our babysitter is going away to college and next Wednesday is her last day.

"But Mama Mama," you say, "didn't you already say goodbye to the best babysitter in the whole world last summer?" Yes, I did but because the universe seems to take mercy on my pathetic attempt at twin parenting, I found another gem of a helper several months ago.

When I posted my ad on Craig's List last fall I was not optimistic. We had just fired another babysitter who had as much energy as roadkill even though she came with rave reviews from a fellow parent at Vivi's nursery school. When the replies to my ad came in, I was certain I was destined to grieve the loss of our beloved Brown student forever. Every single response contained bad grammar, ridiculous claims, and obvious misspellings. I had one woman call me interested in the job only to tell me that the last children she babysat for were a couple of brats! (I really wish I were kidding here.)

Then came Sara's response. It was coherent and sweet. She was obviously bright and when she showed up for the interview, I knew my prayers had been answered. Sara has more energy than anyone I know. She plays babies with my girls and actually enjoys herself. She knows what needs to be done without being told and at the ripe ol' age of 18, I feel completely confident leaving her with all three of my daughters.

I think I could cope with Sara's departure a little better if my girls were not so attached to her. At around 4:00 every day, they wait by the picture window looking for her car. When she pulls up, Ellie starts yelling, "Herah! Herah!" Jude runs to the door with her arms open and Vivi has the dolls ready to go. They adore her and Sara loves them and I can't imagine anyone taking her place.

So, as I post my ad again, I am wondering if it possible to be so lucky a third time.

Ahhh, The Romance....

2010-12-31T09:29:00.000-05:00

I think I need another blizzard to get back into my mommy zen mode. School vacation combined with my twin tornadoes and my somewhat crippling desire to maintain some semblance of order in this house has left me feeling all cranky and burned out.

Jude and Ellie are delightful but they can rip the books off the shelves, empty the kitchen cupboards, and strew every single toy inside these four walls with remarkable speed and determination. No sooner have I replaced all my books when I hear the crash of CDs out of a cabinet they recently learned to open. There are only so many high spaces in this house and we've maximized what we have.

So, in this frame of mind, I turned to my husband the other night and said, "Is it possible to adore your children beyond measure but hate your life?" In his very psychiatrist way of being, he asked if the clean-up was getting me down. Indeed, it is.

I recognize that while I *should* work on letting the chaos go, I just can't right now. There isn't much that I can do to mitigate the sheer monotony of child-rearing and it is getting me down. The only solution seems that time just has to pass but even I know that isn't going to be the real answer. One day, before I know it, I'll be longing for my children at this size. I hear the echo of those darn know-it-all Buddhists reminding me to stay in the moment. I hate that too.

Anyway, while I was cleaning up yet another mess in the kitchen, I noticed a white envelope on the counter. It was a card from my husband thanking me for all I do. Inside the card was a $20 tip. I think it was meant to be a joke but I pocketed the money anyway. The romance around here just never ends.

Blizzards

2010-12-27T20:06:00.001-05:00

I love blizzards and we were hit with a big one last night. After sunset, when the world was slowing and people were snug in their warm homes, I bundled up and headed out for a walk. It was cold and windy and I was alone in my neighborhood. There were no cars, no plows, and no noise other than the wind. Houses were illuminated by the white lights within and the colored lights hanging from exterior eaves and railings. It was lovely.

After all the chaos of Christmas and travel, it was nice to be home. I was happy that we arrived back before the brunt of the snow hit and the girls were none the worse for all the time in the car. As I approached the house at the end of my blizzard walk, I got to see my house and my life from the outside. Vivi was running around in her pajamas, Jude and Ellie were dancing, the new toys were scattered around the floor, and my husband was half paying attention to a muted football game on television. From the silence of the street, I felt grateful that the people, the house, and all the chaos contained within are mine.

With that in mind, I took another walk tonight.

My Attempts

2010-12-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

Well hello again bloggy blog friends! It's been a long time.

I think I lost my blogging mojo sometime around Thanksgiving and I'm still not sure it has made it back. (Sorry grandmas.) It seems that I was cleaning up from Thanksgiving and then Hanukkah hit which shouldn't be a big deal but somehow turned into one and well, before long I was all in a tizzy about Christmas. There you have it.

We have had a lovely month so far. Hanukkah was a hit not only because of the presents but because Vivi learned the candle blessing which she proudly recites in near-perfect Hebrew. (Which she calls Spanish.)

In our house, Hanukkah apparently requires the removal of clothes.

Once Hanukkah passed, we made our annual trek out to Big John Leyden's Tree Farm. (Frankly, who wouldn't want to buy a tree from a guy named Big John?) Finding the perfect tree was a riveting experience for everyone involved. See, just look at Jude:

Somehow we ended up in a field with mostly new trees so we picked the biggest one we could find. It called to us and everyone was in agreement that it would be our tree. When we got it home, it was a tad... how should I say this.... Charlie Brownish.

This tree looks like my body post-Turtles.

Of course, Ellie is pleased with how "faaaancy!" the tree is and the ornaments have provided an endless array of new accessories for the girls. Every time we plug in the lights, Ellie stands in amazement and yells, "Whoaw!" So, Charlie Brown or not, our tree has brought us lots of good cheer.

Once the tree was in place, I hosted my annual cookie swap with a few of my favorite ladies and we had the most impressive display of baked goods I have ever seen. Of course, I didn't photograph it but it was a scene worthy of sugarplum fairies. My ass is still thanking me for the extra cushioning the swap has provided.

As we prepare for Christmas, I am delighted with the smell of the tree, the soup in the crock pot, and the wonder in my kids' eyes. I've slowed down as they have sped up but it makes no difference. We are together and we are full and the house is still standing.

Let the Party Begin!

2010-11-29T20:21:00.000-05:00

Jude loves people and has been known to climb into the lap of anyone who happens to glance in her direction. She greets every person we pass in a store with a boisterous "Hi!" which leads to numerous head-pats and smiles. She loves being the center of attention so we always assumed that Jude was the party animal of our Turtle duo.

You have probably heard the old guidance counselor bit of wisdom: When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me? Well, I am an ass because in the last month Ellie is all party, all the time.

For one thing, she is all about connecting with her peeps. Ellie climbs on my desk, pokes at my laptop, and proudly demands that it is time to talk with Kai Kai. Kai Kai is Aunt Katie, with whom we Skype on a regular basis. Well, that is if Skyping is defined by kissing the screen and hogging the webcam.

The love doesn't end with the computer though. When I took Jude out for some errands, Ellie was not pleased to be left behind. Upon our return, however, Ellie greeted us at the doorway with a big hug and kiss for her sister.

Ellie has been known to accessorize like her big sister and then proclaim, "FANCY!" (Hmmm.... wonder where she learned that?) She will burst into her favorite refrain of "LALALA" while tromping around in my high heels. She loves to wake me up in the morning by calling my name as she climbs the stairs. I let her climb into bed with me knowing that she inevitably will repeat her favorite joke, "Mama. Milk. Aw Gone. HA! HA!" as she pulls up on my shirt.

Yet, to know Ellie, is to know that every night after dinner (and sometimes, many times before then) is her time to dance. I put on the stereo and she puts on her shades.

That's when the party really begins.

Traditions and Rituals

2010-11-23T20:41:00.001-05:00

This past Friday we celebrated our first Shabbat as a family. We bought some challah, lit a candle, said the blessing, and talked about what we are grateful for. Jude and Ellie were clearly grateful for the bread. I was happy that Vivi's earache and upset stomach from earlier in the day had subsided, and my husband was happy that we were all together. Vivi just wanted to play with the matches. Nonetheless, it went off without a hitch and we had a really nice dinner together.

Don't let this evening fool you. We are not religious people. My husband went to Hebrew school but doesn't consider himself Jewish. (In fact, he has many negative associations with the religion.) I was raised in a household that had no religion but I suppose that a week of free vacation bible school when I was nine would qualify me to be vaguely Christian. It is fair to say that while we aren't exactly atheists today, we're probably pretty close.

This old time religion thing has brought up more questions than answers for us now that we have three children. We feel religious education is important but we also want our girls to figure out what they believe on their own. We struggle with how to celebrate the wonderful cultural rituals that my husband and I enjoy without invoking God. Is that even possible?

We're not sure but we're trying our best. Friday nights are a chance for us to slow down and remind ourselves of all that we have. Christmas is a time to think about others and to learn how to give as well as receive. Hanukkah is celebrating light in the darkness. The traditions and rituals that we set in our family connect us to all of our relatives who came before us. Maybe those people believed in God. Maybe they didn't but we are pretty sure that no matter what we do, we can't go wrong with modeling gratitude for our children.

The Many Meanings of Suck

2010-11-16T11:02:00.000-05:00

I haven't been feeling very victorious lately. Vivi has settled back into being hell on two legs. I'm tired and stressed out which is really getting on my husband's nerves. (At least that is what he reports anyway.) And, to top it off, my pants are tight. Today I just gave in to the misery of it all and put on yoga pants. The same yoga pants I wore all throughout my pregnancy with the Turtles.

SHOOT. ME. NOW.

I think I know what my problem is though. I weaned Jude and Ellie.

You see, before I took off to NC, I had managed to get the Turtles down to one nursing session a day. It was at 5 a.m. and it was so bloody uncomfortable, I was eager to be done with the whole breastfeeding thing as soon as possible. I wasn't crazy about the idea of forcing it by leaving town but because I wasn't really on top of getting it done beforehand, that's what had to be done. I left the state with my breast pump in my bag and hoped for the best.

Well, as it turns out, I never needed the breast pump because I didn't have any milk left. (Huh, guess that's why nursing was so uncomfortable.) Jude and Ellie woke up while I was away but all they wanted to do was snuggle. (Huh, guess they didn't need those feedings anyway.) I was pretty clueless but it all managed to work out. The babies hardly seemed to miss it and I was saved the mastitis nightmare I endured when I "weaned" Vivi. A disaster I was glad not to have repeated.

This forced end to breastfeeding has left me all discombobulated though. I've put on five pounds and I feel raw and vulnerable. On the one hand, I am so glad to be done. On the other hand, I am sad it's over. My babies aren't really babies and since I won't be having any more, I feel like it all went way too fast. Then, of course, I remind myself that I would NEVER REPEAT the first year of their lives. Then I feel bad that I feel that way.

Like I said, shoot me now. (But before you do, could you bring me some chocolate cake and a margarita?)

Good Examples

2010-11-12T09:44:00.001-05:00

I just ate a piece of chocolate bundt cake for breakfast. It was homemade by moi and smothered in chocolate ganache. I sat at the kitchen table and ate it right off the serving plate. (At least I didn't eat it while leaning over the sink. A woman has to have some limits.) The worst part was that it wasn't even half as delicious as I had hoped and I still ate it.

Since I was setting a bad example for my Turtles who sat at the table with me, I decided to share my cake breakfast with them. They seemed to think it was delicious. So maybe the worst part was NOT eating it while leaning over the sink.

So, in a span of about ten minutes, I was able to turn a perfectly okay morning into one where I feel bad about myself, my mothering, and my complete lack of coping skills.

It's certainly fair to say that I have had a lot of stress the last two days. My sister had major surgery yesterday and while the operation seemed to go smoothly, this particular procedure has a high rate of complications. I feel like her doctors pushed her into this before they exhausted other options and that makes me angry. Being married to a physician has only added to my stress since he is well-versed in all the potential complications as well as all the potential routes for treatment my sister didn't pursue.

After the surgery, one of my other sisters called to update me. Off the cuff, she asked if I knew how my brother's wife was doing. I thought it was an odd question since I'd just seen her around Halloween and don't generally keep in touch between visits. She told me that my sister-in-law has been in the hospital since Monday with a very dangerous kidney infection that had been leading to sepsis. Of course, in typical fashion, my parents never called to tell me so I found out accidentally.

I guess I've identified the reasons for the chocolate cake. Now, I just need to let it go. Begin again, and as irony would have it, go break up Jude and Ellie who are now fighting over a piece of wooden birthday cake.

These Wings Were Made for Flying

2010-11-09T09:38:00.000-05:00

Vivi and I had a great trip to North Carolina. She was such a fantastic little traveler and I was at my mommy-best. We had no arguments. There were no lost-tempers and no real schedule. Vivi thrived with all the attention and I was the most relaxed I have been in a very long time. Oh, and I got my first full night's sleep in nearly two years. It was on my sister's couch and it was wonderful. (Yeah, I know, couch and wonderful aren't usually used in the same sentence.)

Unfortunately, things didn't go quite as smoothly on the home front. The Turtles were okay for a day but once they realized I was gone, Daddy found himself with a lot of babies holding tight to his legs. The nights were the hardest, particularly for Jude, who woke up yelling for me and could not be settled. She tried searching the house for me in the middle of the night which left her distraught and Daddy more than a little exhausted. That, of course, made our homecoming sweet for everyone.

Here are some highlights from our trip:

Pumpkin custard makes us all this happy.

Snuggling with Aunt Katie

1-2-3 Split!!!

Relaxed Mama and happy Vivi

Even gymnasts lose their fancy pants sometimes.

Didn't you know there are some killer waves in Raleigh?

Dressing Aunt Katie to be fancy for their Single Ladies' dance

Hush Little Baby

2010-11-05T15:36:00.001-04:00

I know I complain a lot about the sleep situation around these parts. Well, brace yourself, because here we go again. For the most part, Jude and Ellie go down with little trouble but it's the sleeping through the night that is challenging. I know I am not the only one with this problem.

I did what I was supposed to. I was thoughtful and consistent. I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, a book that did help me give up the guilt when it came to "crying it out." What it did not do, however, was help us with what to do with children who do not stay asleep. Some nights will be fine. Other nights, one will wake up and will NOT go back to sleep. (I'm talking OVER AN HOUR of SCREAMING!) Sometimes they just want to see me, other times they want to be held for a moment and then put down, and sometimes they want rocking and singing and constant contact.

So Dr. Marc Weissbluth, I am here to tell you that your theory that all kids can become good sleepers is a bunch of horse shit.*

I am thinking about this now that I am on my way to North Carolina with Vivi to visit my sister. I am taking the good sleeper with me and leaving my husband to fend for himself with Jude and Ellie. I love him and hope that a sleep miracle occurs in my absence. (Then, of course, I can feel grateful he survived the weekend and resentful that the sleep miracle didn't happen to me. That's just the kind of wife I am.)

*OK. OK. I know Dr. Weissbluth has a relatively new book about twins and sleep but I absolutely refuse to take advice from someone who does not have multiples. In my experience thus far, those experts have no clue.

Jude

2010-11-04T11:55:00.001-04:00

I'm convinced that my little Jude is a genius.

Here's how I figure it: If children need sleep to build the neuro-pathways that allow them to remember what they experienced during the day and my Jude has several new words a day, all without sleep, then it stands to reason that there is something really special about her.

Really. How can a kid that wakes up every %*#& hour and still be able to function NOT be some sort of genius? It's like sleep is a hobby and not a biological necessity.

And, yet as exhausted as I am and how completely OVER the novelty of waking up twelve times a night as I am, I can't hold a grudge. How can I when she comes up to me with arms open saying, "Mama, hug! Hug!" And after I snuggle her in nice in tight, she plants a kiss on my lips and gently purrs, "Niiiiiiice."

Yes Jude, you're right. It is nice.

Terror on Two Legs

2010-11-02T09:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I could just throttle my four-year old. Make that my four-and-a-half year old-- an age which she very proudly exclaims when she is being either exceptionally annoying or exceptionally charming. It's usually the former.

I don't know why Vivi and I butt heads but that seems to be all we do lately. This morning when I met her in the hallway with my usual greeting, "Good Morning! I am so happy to see you." She responded with, "You are a gross woman." It's true that I had not brushed my teeth nor was I wearing pants but I think I deserve a little more respect than that.

That is just one example of the nastiness. Vivi has called me an idiot, a rat, told me that she hated me, threatened to kick me in the face, and proclaimed that she would "kill me in real life." (My mother would say that this is my comeuppance but my nastiness didn't really come out until high school which, at the very least, is expected.)

This all started around the time she turned three and her sisters came along. I think it is a safe bet to say that Jude and Ellie threw us all for a gigantic loop but Vivi was likely the most affected. Everyone told me she would get used to it and it would be better but a year and a half later, it has not improved. In fact, it seems to be worse. We have a zero tolerance policy for name-calling and hitting but all the time-outs and cool-downs in the world aren't helping.

So, in the interest of either self-destruction or promoting our mother-daughter bond (I've yet to decide which it is), I am taking Vivi to North Carolina on Thursday. It will be just the two of us and we are going to visit my sister, Vivi's beloved Aunt Katie. I hope that all the attention and one-on-one time will be good for her and help improve her behavior... if only for four days.

October

2010-11-01T11:01:00.000-04:00

October seemed to come and go in one fell swoop and for the first time in a very long time, I actually know what happened.

First it started off with Vivi's fall on the neighbor's porch which led to a very loose tooth. It only took one day and a bite out of an apple for the tooth to fall out. From what we can surmise, she swallowed the tooth along with the apple although that didn't stop her from writing a note to the tooth fairy letting her know where she can leave the money. Here's Vivi in all of her toothless glory and one whole dollar richer:

Seems that the same thing happened to her father at about the same age:

He only got a nickel.

Jude and Ellie are up to their usual antics-- climbing, playing, and learning to talk. I am convinced that there is nothing better than a child between the age of 12 months and 24 months. They are so full of curiosity and energy but not yet testing their boundaries. They also haven't fully grasped the power of "no." It is exhausting, of course, but for the first time since we found out I was growing twins, I am so happy to have two babies. The joy is more than multiplied by two.

Jude and Ellie are very generous with their kisses for each other.

By mid-month, my handsome husband turned another year older and we had a little celebration. To commemorate turning 54, he has decided to train for another marathon. Naturally....

I made a rather fabulous apple pie for his birthday which somehow did not make it into the picture. I did work very hard at buying the chocolate cake from Whole Foods, however.

And, because things aren't busy enough around these parts, I decided to enroll in a Jewish education class for non-Jewish parents who are raising Jewish children. Now, I am not exactly raising Jewish children but I am not exactly NOT. (Yeah, we are all pretty confused around here.) My husband couldn't care one way or another about preserving the Jewish traditions he grew up with but I think that our girls will be better off for having the exposure. I don't see the need for absolutes and since I am picking and choosing what we are celebrating from my vaguely Christian background, why not do the same for his?

Of course, it wouldn't be October if I didn't have a glue gun and the duct tape out. Vivi was set on being a lollipop for Halloween and we decided to continue the candy theme and turn the Turtles into M&Ms.

They couldn't have been less enthused but they got lots of attention around the neighborhood. Two teenaged boys actually told me they were adorable and a lady walking down the street exclaimed, "Oh the M&Ms, I've heard about them!" Now, if I could just figure out how to keep them this cute forever.

Onward to November....

Fun in the Sun

2010-09-26T10:35:00.001-04:00

Unlike my husband, I never feel compelled to run for fun in the hot, hot sun. Ever.

With the beautiful fall weather, I do feel compelled to make green slime smoothies and feed them to my girls while watching the neighbor take down his 100 year old maple tree.

I feel compelled to go for walks with Vivi and pick up pretty leaves which may result in various art projects.

I feel compelled to cook a pound of dried great northern beans because a Tuscan bean soup sounds really good on a cool, autumn evening.

And, after all that, we feel compelled to put on our jammie jams, sunggle in tight, and read a book.

Happy Fall!

Hello Again!

2010-09-24T10:06:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I think being a parent to twins and an older child is akin to doing an extended stint in an Iranian hard labor camp. The incessant demands, the never-ending cleanup, the desperation and deprivation all make me wonder what sort of cruel universal joke landed me in this predicament.

In many ways, that punishingly difficult first year is starting to fade. Vivi has more or less accepted that her little sisters are here to stay and she delights in how much they obviously love her. (She is less enthused with them touching her stuff, however.) The Turtles are no longer colicky blobs of ceaseless crying but instead are two disparate bundles of personality. They are speeding around and beginning to talk and when asked how much Mommy loves them they'll throw their arms wide and yell, "Big! Big!"

But, it is still not easy. I realize with twins that it never gets easy. It just becomes less hard. Or, at least, some things do. While the babes are on a schedule now and can be counted on to sleep several hours at a stretch, we still find ourselves up a few times a night with them-- a different child at a different time. It feels like our sleep deprivation will just never end.

Then there's the joy and hassle of their constant movement. The other day, while I was cooking in the kitchen with Ellie Bean at my feet, Jude starting crying in the living room. I checked on her and found that she had climbed into the toy bin and couldn't get out. When I returned to the kitchen, I found Ellie sitting ON TOP of my knife on the cutting board on our island eating raw butternut squash. (She had climbed a chair, crawled across the table, and then up on the island which holds our cook top. Thank heavens it wasn't on or she didn't stab herself or fall or...or...or....) I freaked and put her down. She toddled away and five minutes later both she and Jude returned to me soaking wet. Vivi had forgotten to put the toilet seat down and they had used their toys to scoop all the water out of the toilet and onto themselves and the floor.

And most every day is like that. I get angry sometimes that Vivi doesn't intervene when she sees them doing things like bathing themselves in the toilet but then I have to remind myself that she is four and her job isn't to be a little version of me. Sadly, the reminder usually comes after I've yelled at her but before I've apologized.

So when evening rolls around and the girls are all in bed, I sit on the couch. That's it. Sometimes I read while I'm sitting. Sometimes I sew. Most times I just think about all the energy it is going to take to do it all again tomorrow.

Wanting More

2010-09-08T15:14:00.000-04:00

If there is one thing that I was absolutely clear on the first year of Jude and Ellie's life, it was that I was done having children. Did you hear that? DONE. D.O.N.E. At no point in the future would I be birthing or raising any more children. Period. We were pretty sure at the start of our second pregnancy that we were going to stop at two children. Then we got our bonus baby and that likelihood became a certainty. The plan is to accept our fate as a party of five.

So there.

Last Saturday, I visited my dear friend who is 33 weeks pregnant with her own set of twins. Like me, she has an older daughter. Unlike me, she has had a difficult pregnancy and is now on hospital bed rest. I wonder how it is all going to work out for her and I feel both trepidatious and concerned.

My friend has seen how hard the first year of my twin's life was. She was witness to the marathon nursing sessions, the short tempers, my inability to hold a conversation due to extreme sleep deprivation, the marital strife and stress, and the substantial regression of our older child. She is under no illusion that what she is about to embark upon will be easy.

So, it shocked the hell out of her when I said that I might one day want just one more baby. (Clearly getting just one more may not be an option for me, however.) You see, after Vivi, I didn't feel like I really experienced all the wonderful things that come with babies: the tiny toes, the curled up fingers, their coos and smiles, and the ability to curl into a tiny little ball and fall asleep anywhere. What is burned into my memory are the colicky afternoons and evenings, the chaos, and the sleepless nights. Ironically, it is their birth that I remember so positively. The baby part, not so much. Somehow, I blinked and Jude and Ellie turned into delightful toddlers and we're all much happier.

Thank heavens for that.

When thinking about a new baby, I long to have those newborn cuddles. Then my brain kicks in and reminds the rest of my body that I am NUTS. It is not going to happen because my sanity depends on it not happening. Besides, my friend is about to have two so I'm sure she won't mind if I savor the baby moments for her.

Isn't that what good friends are for?

Summer's Bounty

2010-08-30T11:08:00.000-04:00

The bounty of summer is upon us and Vivi and I have been two little worker bees in the kitchen. Last week we picked up a few pounds of kirby cukes at our local farm which we promptly turned into pickles.

My husband and Vivi are real pickle connoisseurs and they both gave them two enthusiastic thumbs up. The babies were also impressed. If you want to give it a go yourself, here is the easy recipe from Real Simple.

Saturday took us to the Farmer's Market where I picked up about thirty pounds of perfectly ripe tomatoes for $10. It was a bargain that I couldn't pass up even though I had no idea how I was going to fit all those tomatoes in the stroller. (Luckily, my husband showed up just in time to carry them the mile home.)

Vivi and I blanched and peeled the tomatoes resulting in six quart jars. Here is just one:

Before I became.... hmmm... how should I put this....encumbered by these rascals:

I would have properly canned those tomatoes, just like someone's grandma used to do. Alas, I had neither the time or the energy, so I just put those jars in our deep freezer. That's when Vivi and I made an unusual discovery.

The placentas from Jude and Ellie's birth.

(Aren't you glad I didn't post a picture here?)

Now before you get all grossed out, (is it too late?) I was not saving these things to consume later. That would be freaky and really disgusting. What happened was my midwives put them (all wrapped up in colored plastic and not visible in their bag) in the freezer until trash day. Well, trash day has come and gone about 90 times since my Turtles were born and we have just never remembered to put them out. (In the freezer, out of mind so to speak.)

So when Vivi and I discovered them, we decided to take a look. We let them thaw in their plastic for the entire afternoon. When they were ready to be uncovered, we sat in the backyard and opened them up. It was fascinating. Jude and Ellie's sacs were so well defined and the cords connecting the placentas to their belly buttons were completely intact. I was amazed that not only did I grow these organs I was now holding in my hands but I also grew the two little babies that lived inside. Needless to say, Vivi was enthralled and wanted me to explain every little bit to her.

When our inspection was done, it was time to dispose of the placentas. I had really mixed feelings about throwing them in the big green bin since they felt like anything BUT trash. Still, I was not prepared to dig a really big hole and knew the freezer was not a suitable home for them either so in they went. At that moment, I said a little prayer of thanks for my body, my children, and the wonderful food we grow and prepare as a family and community. These things are the bounty that will last long after summer passes.

Getting My Craft On

2010-08-24T20:32:00.003-04:00

With Vivi at camp and the babies napping in the mornings, I've recently become reacquainted with my sewing machine. I tend to do most of my crafting in the cooler months when night seems longer than day but lately I've gotten my hands on some fun fabric and a few neat ideas. Plus, as I mentioned in the beginning of the year, I'm trying my hand at making as many gifts as possible. Trying is the operative word here folks.

In the past month, I've made a chef's hat, a sundress for Vivi, a fabric party hat, my own (pathetic) version of a fabric trapper keeper (remember those?) and more than a few embellished headbands. Of course, it did not occur to me to photograph any of these items but I'm turning over a new leaf. Here are photos of some plain tank tops that I gussied up for Vivi's friend Charlotte's birthday party last week:

Lucky for me they only involved minimal swearing and were a total hit with Charlotte.

Currently, I am in the midst of a tutu and a baby quilt. The tutu is simple and should be done in the next few days but the baby quilt is going to take a while. (I only know how to quilt by hand.) If I'm still able to type by the time I finish it, I will post some pictures.

Anyone else getting your craft on these days?

Lonely

2010-08-22T08:12:00.000-04:00

Here I am. It's 7:30 on Sunday morning and I am in bed typing on my new laptop. I should be sleeping. This is my big chance, after all. My husband took all three of our girls to New Jersey this weekend to visit his parents and to give me a break. It is a break that I have needed for... uh.... I dunno.... about 17 months but now that everyone is gone, I'm lonely.

Don't get me wrong. Since they left yesterday morning, I have really enjoyed my freedom from parenting. I got a haircut and put stacks of photos into albums. I picked up the house and balanced my checkbook. I didn't cook. It's been pretty enjoyable to come and go as I please. As day turned into darkness, however, I started to feel unsettled.

You see, as much as I desperately need a good night's sleep, I don't like to be alone at night. I'm not scared of the dark but the house feels way too big for just me. When I am not able to check on the girls before I go to bed, that loneliness is compounded. My routine is upset and then I never quite bounce back. Last night, I stayed up way too late trying to find some company through the home and garden channel on Hulu.com.

Then at about 3 a.m. my breasts became so engorged with milk that it was impossible to sleep comfortably. I got up at six to pump but 15 ounces later, it was impossible to get back to sleep. So here I am.

It is all very riveting, I know.

Have you ever spent a night alone without your children? Do you dance in the street to celebrate? Oh, and how the heck do you wean twins when one is ready and the other is not? I don't ever want to face that breast pump again.

Fancy Withdrawal

2010-08-20T08:51:00.000-04:00

As much as I have avoided emphasizing my daughter's appearance, Vivi is all about being fancy. Fancy is synonymous with being "stylish" but I can't quite figure out if my kid is fashion forward or just a walking advertisement for lack of parental supervision.

What I have come to understand is that fancy isn't about being a princess or owning lots of things. Thank goodness for that. To Vivi, being fancy means wearing a skirt or a dress with tights, regardless of temperature. The more colors and patterns you have in one particular outfit, the better. Oh, and you can never go wrong with multicolored polka dotted rain boots. (Those are known as her "high heels.")

So, it has been with no fair amount of grief that Vivi has been engaged in activities that require her to be "boring." First it was gymnastics camp which required shorts and a t-shirt, then a camping trip with her Dad last week, and now it's zoo camp with a similar dress code. My kid is going through some serious fancy withdrawal.

Fancy Vivi asleep on the naughty step

When I informed her that for she couldn't look fancy for her camping trip, she looked at me with suspicion.

Mama, is that a rule that I have to wear shorts?
Yes. You get very dirty while camping so it is important not to ruin your fancy clothes.
For real?

Yes.

In the really real world is that true? Mama, how do you know?

It is true and I know because I used to go camping and that's what they tell you.

So when Mamas and camp counselors tell you that you must wear shorts and sneakers, what is a fancy girl like Vivi to do?

Accessorize, apparently.

One of Those Days

2010-08-13T16:00:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had one of those days where your kids run you ragged and you just feel like you are thisclose to being hauled away to your friendly neighborhood mental hospital?

Of course you have.

Have you ever photographed that day?

Of course you haven't. That would be crazy.

Ummm... well, I guess the verdict is in for me.

That's right. 100% nuts.